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    • #145678
      Sunflower4Y
      Participant

      Hi everyone. I have been trying to leave my boyfriend for years and I finally, somehow did it a few days ago. It was really hard and I had tried about three times that week and been told that I’m bipolar, my work is making me unhappy, I haven’t taken responsibility for how when I’m tired it affects my mood, I’m hormonal, I need to see a dr, I’m depressed and have been my whole life (he hasn’t known me my whole life), I’m a drifter and use people, I use the house as a hotel and can’t just take advantage of it (I pay my half and take care of the house and half of the bills, and I’m completely isolated and never go out). Anyway the list goes on and on.

      A couple of times in the week I was worn down by his comments and fatigued, I couldn’t defend myself because I believed him and I got too tired to fight my corner. But I finally left, it was the hardest thing, but I walked out the door.

      Previously in our relationship he has sent me messages whilst I’m away about how he wants to jump off a bridge/drive his car in to a tree (once I found he had been messaging another girl about coming over at the same time he was messaging me about how if I don’t talk to him he will do something to hurt himself). But sometimes he would do this and then turn his phone off for days.

      Since I left he has had his phone off. I know because I have an app where we can see where each other are, I kept it so I could see when he was away so I could get a few things from the house, but I can see his phone is off.

      I’m feeling so so anxious that he has, or will do, something to hurt himself. He’s spent so many years telling me that he’ll die if I ever left. I know I can’t go back, but I’m so scared. I also don’t think he actually thinks I’ve left him so I’m scared that I have to go through the breakup all over again and then trigger him to turn his phone off and potentially hurt himself all over again.

      Has anyone else been through anything similar? How do you cope? What do you do?

      (If it wasn’t for all of you, I never would have been able to leave. I thought I would be trapped my whole life, and I was so sad. Thanks for all your encouragement on here. You can do this xxxx)

    • #145683
      beachhut
      Participant

      Morning,

      I hope you are feeling less anxious today. Many of us who have left an abusive relationship have had these threats that the ex would harm or kill themself if we dare to leave them and that they cannot live without us. This is just another form of control by them they turn off their phone or do not answer so that we worry that they have done something. These are usually idle threats if they wish to carry out what they say there is nothing you can do about it. Do not even think of going back because he has made these threats, this is no way to live and he will have you back where he wants you and the circle will just keep going around. These men are adults and know exactly what they are doing, he is not your responsibility put your energy into your recovery. Take care of you. 💐

    • #145684
      HunkyDory
      Participant

      Hi well done on getting out.

      If you are seriously concerned he might harm himself (had the same with my ex, the police who were involved towards the end before he left said they see this a lot and it is extremely rare that they do actually harm themselves), ask the police to do a welfare check on him. This will give him a wake up call and might bring an end to his toddler tantrum – because that is most likely what he is doing – and trying to maintain control over you – don’t fall for his nonsense.

      Good luck & keep strong x

    • #145938
      Miles
      Participant

      Hi sunflower
      I’m so happy for you.
      It’s the start to you being you again without the BS
      They lie make up stuff get us believing their stories and doubting ourselves that’s the only thing they are ever good at. Keep going stay strong Sunflowers shine and glow in the sun that will be you one day when you can finally feel free and at peace x

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