I left but now what?

[Space12345]

I’ve not posted here before but I feel alone so here I am. I left our family home (number removed by Moderator) months ago with my 2 young children. This was after (number removed by Moderator) years of being called various awful things, made to feel worthless, thrown things at, grabbed, pushed, strangled, police called, high drama. So I left and everyone says well done I’m brave for doing that. OK, but now what happens? He is still living in our house with all our stuff. I had to find a place and furnish it, jump through all kinds of hoops to get any kind of help. Just got turned down by the council for a DHP to help me pay the rent in advance, so I’m already in arrears. So I’m basically free of living in a totally stressful environment but I’m broke and without any of my things, Still liable for the mortgage on the house he is in, Liable for rent now too, Got the job Centre on me. Feel like I can’t catch a break and there is no space to just breath for a second. Can anyone just offer me some advice please?

[EvenSerpentsShine]

Is there any way you can go back and get your stuff? I know that this is only a part of the problem but it may make you feel a bit happier to have some of your own stuff. Hire a van and go with a friend or family member? Ask the police to accompany you on a certain day and time? I’ve heard that they will do this if you are worried for your safety. Arrange to go when he’s out, at work or so on?
i have no knowledge of the law etc but I hope one of the other ladies may know.
But, I totally relate to the feelings of injustice and anger about how we end up losing everything and they sit there like fat, selfish babies (which is what they are let’s be honest) whining and bawling while we have to actually deal with the devastation they’ve left behind.

Have you been in contact yet with your local domestic abuse service?

[Space12345]

Thanks for replying. It’s nice to just not feel totally alone. I should just go and get my stuff, I just can’t deal with the confrontation, either at the time or afterwards. He calls me every day and it’s hard to just ignore him. Plus he knows where we live so he just comes round and knocks if I don’t answer. I have a lady from a DV charity who calls me and she is super supportive but in terms of practical help I feel a bit lost. I find all this publicised help is not actually available? I went to the job centre and told them what happened and they told me get a job, when I was basically homeless with my kids. I felt like I was going insane, like how can people be so heartless. I’ve got him telling me he wants to see the kids, and they want to see him too, but I just don’t know how to approach it. I’m worried how he will be when I’m not around. The whole thing just feels a mess. I thought leaving there would be the answer but I just feel so unsure about the future now.

[EvenSerpentsShine]

Yes I know what you mean. I think it is a mess. It felt like I did nothing but ploughing through boring paperwork and stresses and worries at first. Working all the time and then suddenly waking up in the middle of the night worried about something he might do, or some legal loophole. Just a tiny space in the evening or weekend to have some time for myself.
there’s a thread here that you might find really helpful I think it’s called ‘Asking him to leave’ (it’s just a few topics down )there are really  useful addresses and advice which might be relevant  to you. Having just read that it seems like to get divorce proceedings underway as soon as possible may be a very good idea for you…get the shared house sold and that will help you financially and with details about the custody and kids. As for work…I know it feels really insensitive to have the job centre on your back but that is the kind of society we live in now…get the word out to young women ‘don’t have kids!’ Because you won’t get any support! But from my point of view I did find work a help in moving forward and distracting my thoughts so it did have its uses!

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