I left the house.

[Imagesha]

I am a wreck, physically and mentally.
I hoped I would write to the forum something like “freeedom at last! Whohoo I made it!”. A friend has given me a place to stay, I am safe and free, but I feel I can’t gather my brain cells together, and I don’t even care. The future feels like a dark tunnel with no light at the end and again, I don’t care.
There are other problems (health related) and I just feel like I don’t want to fight any more. Like it’s not even worth. I hope it will get better, but now it’s horrible. Grey and dull.

[Eyesopening]

After you leave is actually the hardest, no one really expects it I think, I thought I would be over the moon. But no, they are the toughest days and months to get through, gather all your support around you and stay on track, stay strong. Keep posting here. You can get through, just the first bit is super tough, remember its the trauma bond. Not love. x*x

[Bananaboat]

I agree with EyesOpening, the next rollercoaster is just starting but it’s one with hope, freedom and happiness at the end. There will be days of pure happiness, days of deep sadness, days of exhaustion and everything in between! So be kind to yourself and take one step at a time.

[Imagesha]

Thanks for the support. The help I find in the forum is priceless.
It’s just happened so I’m still not even in the rollercoaster. I still don’t feel the part where happiness begins, I’m still going from numb to desperate and back. I feel like I crumbled and scattered all around, and I still don’t know what I want to rebuild myself into.
Before I met him, my dream was first of all to be independent. Find a decent job and a place on my own, prove to myself that I’m able, that I can make it even with my learning disabilities in in a foreign country. Now you can imagine what has happened to that dream, now that I’m barely able to pay the rent and bills for a room.
X

[herewegoagain]

Don’t look down the road..
Just concentrate on taking one step…for the longest journey starts with just one step

Sending hugs to you x

[cakepops]

Well done for taking the huge step of leaving. I remember those early days and feeling overwhelmed, scared, uncertain… just so many negative emotions.

Try to focus on your own needs for this period. What do you enjoy usually? A warm bath with a hot chocolate? A walk by the sea/river/woods? Try to focus on the small normal things in life, and over time you will start finding some joy again.

[Author]

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