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    • #58723
      Onedayitwillbeok
      Participant

      Hi there everyone. I finally had the courage to leave my abusive partner last night. I moved all my stuff out of his rented flat and when I was far enough away I sent him a text telling him that I had quit my job (I was on a fixed term contract due to finish at the (detail removed by moderator). I was offered the job on a permanent basis about a month ago). I said don’t contact me as I won’t being see you again. He has tried to contact my mobile but I’ve blocked him. He then sent 2 emails early this morning asking me to help with his rent as he had paid for my car to be repaired and he gave me what I needed money wise. Every month I have had to transfer my wages from my bank account into his leaving me completely reliant on him. I haven’t replied to the emails and don’t really want to but I’m scared that he will come to my place of work. He has tried to call the work number several times this morning. I have now blocked his number but he is also calling ‘No caller ID’. Can anyone out there please advise on what I should do? My family know both about my situation and I’m also frightened that he will try to contact them. I’m such a mess and finding it hard to concentrate on anything. Apologies for the long post, I’m probably rambling and not making much sense. I hate this feeling that I’m looking over my shoulder all the time. Thanks xx

    • #58729
      backtome
      Participant

      Firstly and most importantly WELL DONE for getting out! That must’ve been so hard, leaving your job as well.

      Do not give him any money, or speak to him at all, you have no reason, you don’t owe him anything. He’s taken enough of your life away from you. Report any attempts at contacting you to the police and keep all evidence (screen shot missed calls so that you have a log), call the police on the non emergency number 101 and log it. If he carries on trying to contact you in any way then you should be able to apply for an order to prevent this. Give Women’s Aid and/or Rights of Women a call who can further advise you on this. Hope this helps a little bit.

      You’ve made the first step to recovery, stay strong. x*x

    • #58735
      Onedayitwillbeok
      Participant

      Thanks backtome, it is such a hard thing to do but people will help. I’ve had brilliant support from my 2 sons and without them it would have been so much harder. I will not contact him at all as I don’t want to repeat the cycle. All too many times they try and hook you back in, firstly by saying things and then threats to make you frightened if you don’t do what they want. He has tried calling a few times and I’ve had a few more emails….apparently I’m a low life! What a joke. But as each hour goes by I feel stronger xx

      • #58737
        Lisa
        Main Moderator

        Hi Onedayitwillbeok,

        Welcome to the forum, I hope you find it a supportive place to be.

        As previously mentioned, well done for getting out. abusers are very manipulative and know how to pull us back in. You breaking free of that is very brave. The best way to deal with perpetrators is to go completely no contact, he will use any contact with you to try and get back into your head.

        If you feel you need more support you can call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247. It is open 24/7 and calls are answered by trained female support workers. They can talk things through and signpost you onto local services and support.

        Take care and keep posting

        Best Wishes,

        Lisa

    • #58740
      Onedayitwillbeok
      Participant

      Thank you Lisa for your support. I called the helpline and spoke to a lovely lady on Sunday and she helped to put real perspective on the situation. I’m sure I will be back on the forum as I’m sure no 2 hours let alone days are the same. Lots of things going around in my head. I’m just sorry that it took me this long to be brave enough to go through with it.

    • #59125
      Ayanna
      Participant

      I had the issue with him following me to my work place and he is a very violent creature.
      In the end I left and changed workplaces twice since I fled.
      I informed security about him, gave them the CAD numbers from his arrests and the court proceedings and his picture, so that they caught him when he tried to enter the building.

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