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    • #14461
      Millionpieces
      Participant

      Hi all,
      I’m having flash back this morning. I stayed years in this relationship even he disrespect me, called me names, saying I’m sick in my head, he doesn’t love me, he rejected when I want to talk about anything (I mean anything) is it something wrong with me? And isn’t it his right to not love me?

    • #14517
      Ayanna
      Participant

      Nothing is wrong with you. Never let anybody tell you that something is wrong with you! That is just not true.
      Abuse creeps up on us slowly in these relationships. We accept the small abuse in the beginning and it grows over time. Suddenly we wake up and do not know how to get out of it anymore.
      This happened to so many of us. We close our eyes because the truth hurts.
      We love them and hope that they change if we do what they tell us to do. But it is impossible to make them happy, because they keep changing the goalpost. It takes time to realize this and accept this. It is so incredibly painful to see the truth. Once we see the truth we try to get out.
      It even takes time to get out. It can be dangerous and life changing.
      It is hell to get rid of these men.
      None of us ever chose to live like this.
      You are not to blame for anything. It was his choice to abuse you and it is his sole responsibility.
      Be proud of yourself that you got out. You achieve loads by building a new life of your own.
      You are doing well. x*x

    • #14537
      Serenity
      Participant

      I agree with the above posts completely x

    • #14789
      missiepie
      Participant

      Hi Millionpieces!

      Honestly your feelings and doubts are totally normal. Men love to control things and hammer in their point of view until it is your own.

      Yes, you stayed in that relationship! We all stayed with our abusive partners for a length of time. You stayed with him not because you are mental…you stayed for mostly good reasons. You stayed out of love, perhaps for children and you stayed perhaps like i did in the hope they might change back to the old “nice” them. You may have even stayed because you were scared of him or feared being alone….none of which are mental thoughts, they are all completely rational. Given his verbal abuse, you also prob stayed because you started to believe him and doubt yourself. Anyone will lose self esteem when they are constantly belittled by the person closest to them and that they love because their opinions matter the most to us.

      So you see you are completely normal to have stayed and put up with his behaviour for good reasons.

      Now you have to think about him….Why did he stay? If you were as bad as he was saying and he didnt respect you or love you as he told you then what was his reason for staying?? Thats the “mental” right there!!! Its not you, its him!

      Please try not to beat yourself up. I do it to myself too…but when I do I try and focus on the facts I know are true x*x

    • #14831
      Millionpieces
      Participant

      Hi healthyarchive,
      I cried everyday bcoz I can not accept that I stayed for too long in my relationship. It’s like I let my self to be hurt.
      I still thinking I should have left him, or not even with him as I know he is trouble from the beginning. I was just don’t accept that he is monster. I deny for who he really is, I put my self to believe he is not how he is, it’s all so confusing.

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