I let him back in, I’m so stupid

[Stuckinafishbowl]

There’s so much. I thought we were good he was so amazing. He moved back in and I felt happy and like a family. I ignored so much without even realising. Until an incident happened that took me back to when things were at their worst and he was a monster. I was scared. Things were hostile between us he would go from love bombing to nasty in a day. I was putting the toddler (detail removed by moderator) as I didn’t trust him with her as he had just shouted at her telling her off (detail removed by moderator). It wasn’t her fault. The toddler was fighting the nap and I was getting frustrated and tired. (Detail removed by moderator)He refused so I kept telling him to leave but he wouldn’t. I got scared and anxious I was screaming at him to leave but he was just standing there laughing at me telling me (detail removed by moderator). I know now he was trying to get a rise out of me which is what happened as (detail removed by moderator). He kept threatening me and belittling me. I threatened to call the police and he laughed I was so scared to call them I don’t know why it gives me such bad anxiety. I was more scared of him so I started calling them and he left so I hung up. One thing that stands out during this is that he threatened to call social services on me (detail removed by moderator). I didn’t realise how bad this was during the moment  (detail removed by moderator). He was holding her like she was an object it’s really upset me.
He left for the night and I did an application for clares law. An officer left a note that same night but I was sleeping another came (detail removed by moderator) but he was back and I’m isolating. Another (detail removed by moderator) came in the evening to interview us separately. Him about something irrelevant as a cover for the other see if I was safe. I was so scared she was asking me this. I felt silly and s. I. She wanted to help me but I just felt so guilty and sad for him in the other room being lied to by the other officer. That all this was happening behind his back. Because he’s being nice to me again. And I still feel guilty. I made a statement and he doesn’t know and I feel awful. He’s looking for somewhere to live ASAP. I want him out of my life for good I don’t want to do this anymore my babies deserve so much better. I need to be happy and safe for them. They need to be happy and safe.

[Ariadne]

Hi @Stuckinafishbowl,

Gawsh, that must have been a terrifying experience. It must be heartbreaking as well to have had such hopes again just for them to be crushed. But it is great you had the support from the police on this, and I’d hope you don’t feel guilty about it much longer. Your children need your protection, and you are providing that, and you are an amazing mom.

I hope you keep reaching out for support in this time, like from your local women’s aid. And that you keep prioritising yourself and your children.

Take care <3

[Twisted Sister]

Hi Stuckinafishbowl

nothing to add other than to let you know we’re with you on this and to send you strength. Your poor children and you.

keep yourselves safe.

warmest wishes

ts

[Author]

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