This topic contains 8 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by  [email protected] 4 days, 12 hours ago.

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  • #70586
     Alicenotichains 
    Participant

    … so I have popped back on here to spread a little hope. Over a decade and a half of abuse from 2 perpetrators, I was discarded by one and then tried many times to leave the other but kept getting dragged back in. That was hell. My mind was mushed up and I couldn’t see that it would ever end. Social services got involved, I still couldn’t let go of this abusive guy, it dragged on in secret, me sneaking around and lying to everyone who loves me… and then one day I found a little bit of strength and went No contact, ignored the calls and the texts, the letters and the unlistened to voicelmails, it was hard but I kept going and then eventually he just vanished. He has probably moved onto someone new. I did feel guilty for a while but that has just faded. I did feel afraid but I feel more relaxed as time has gone on. My hair is thicker, I laugh more. I then met someone kind and gentle, who is handsome and fun, consistent and trustworthy. I am learning how to be in a relationship and not walk on eggshells. He is always so kind and patient, he gives me space and he treats me with total respect. I look back on my previous experiences and it feels like it happened to somebody else. It took me a long time to walk away and put myself first. I loved both of the men who abused me but I realise now that they never loved me. I feel like I have somehow hauled myself and my kids out of hell. I have been to college and I have got a new job. I look in the mirror now and I am finally proud to be me.

  • #70590
     Iwantmeback 
    Participant

    Thank you for such a lovely heart lifting post.
    You’re so right, it’s really nice fir us still here to hear from someone who’s been away from their ex or ex’s for a while, there’s hope for us all, when we’re ready to be able to leave.
    IWMB 💕💕

  • #70594
     Alicenotichains 
    Participant

    It’s so hard when you are in a relationship like this to get out as you have been dragged down emotionally and physically. Walking away and staying away from the second man was the hardest thing I have ever done and it took me several attempts because my feelings for him were so strong and he made me feel so bad when I did leave, despite everything he had done to me. I still wonder how he is sometimes but I know I have to just stay wel away as we will just repeat the same cycle over and over agin. I have to work at No Contact every day but it has got so much easier with time. I never thought it would end but it has. Best wishes to you all x

  • #70598
     Landy 
    Participant

    So glad for you. I just got out so seeing this gives me hope. Thank you for posting x

  • #70662
     HopeLifeJoy 
    Participant

    Thank you so much for sharing this, very happy for you that it worked out, it is so nice to read that there is life after abuse. I am out of two abusive relationships but so exhausted that I haven’t rebuild my life yet. I am a zombie, going through the daily motion without joy or love atm.
    This post gives me hope that there is a chance for all of us.

  • #70734
     Rebirthaftertrauma 
    Participant

    Thank you so much for this post. At the moment I can’t see myself ever moving on (can’t imagine ever being with anyone else, the pull to go back is so strong but this post has given me hope ❤

  • #70816
     EbonyRaven 
    Participant

    That’s wonderful, and so lovely of you to come back and tell us that there really is hope.

  • #70817
     lover of no contact 
    Participant

    Well done AliceNotinChains,

    So hard to go No Contact but if we try (despite our feelings) it does work and our abusers will have no choice but to look for someone else to abuse.

    Thanks for your lovely encouraging post!

  • #70826
     [email protected] 
    Participant

    I wanted to say well done you 🙂 i hope life continues to treat you well you deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. You know your own strength now and that is amazing xx luv diy

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