Viewing 8 reply threads
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    • #131013
      Imjustme
      Participant

      So i really have Jo idea what to do. I got out of the abusive relationship I was in for many years recently but he’s still just harassing me even after changing my number and also talki g bad about me to the kids. I have no idea what to anymore

    • #131014
      Put the kettle on
      Participant

      Hi, sorry to hear you’re experiencing this, report things to the police, keep the messages, make records of all events, speak to your GP and local dv charity they may have advice and support available.
      Go no contact as much as possible, I know that’ll be difficult due to kids but only have contact about the kids. Tell him you won’t reply to anything else and to only contact you about kids. It’s really hard, abusers will do what they can to stay relevant and to continue the abuse. inform the kids of what’s abusive behaviour and what’s not acceptable
      Try to look after yourself now, you’ve been through so much.

    • #131015
      KIP.
      Participant

      Hey, once an abuser always an abuser. When I got out of the relationship he simply carried on abusing in other ways. He’s still the same nasty controlling person. My advice is to use a third party for all contact and ‘Putthekettleon has given good advice too. His abuse will continue until he’s made to stop so the domestic abuse police unit are also a good place to contact.

    • #131024
      Imjustme
      Participant

      I have stopped all contact with me but he still is using the kids to pass things on saying bad stuff about me. I don’t know how much more I can take. He’s not even interested in the kids it’s all about me. I changed my number. And only sort things with the kids through a 3rd party person but still I cannot get away from him

    • #131028
      KIP.
      Participant

      If he’s using the children to harm you then he’s harming them and I’d speak to your local women’s aid and keep a detailed journal of his behaviour. It might be that supervised contact at a contact centre is an option as it’s child abuse at the moment x

    • #131072
      Put the kettle on
      Participant

      It’s disgusting how they treat the kids like this, I can relate to what you’re going through. Keep records of events. Don’t say bad things about him to your kids, which I’m sure you don’t anyway. Instead teach them what’s acceptable behaviour and what’s not. They need your support as he’s going to keep using them.

    • #131355
      Imjustme
      Participant

      I know i am just stuck and don’t know what to do. I am trying to protect them. He flips in a switch one minute being all nice then when I don’t give him what he wants he flips. I honestly just feel like running away and if there was a way to do it I would have. Gah everything is a mess!!

    • #131363
      Put the kettle on
      Participant

      He will change moods so quick to keep you on alert and stressed, it’s what they do. This is how he wants you to feel so he can retain some control over you.
      Remember you’re doing amazing even if you don’t feel like it, you’ve got your kids out of an abusive household and can finally put you and them first.
      Yeah he’s still around – in the background now though!
      Now you can go places you want to go, eat meals you like, talk to friends and family that he didn’t approve of, leave the house a mess or scrub it clean, take up a hobby you fancied trying.
      It is really hard and you’re doing great

    • #131367
      Whatamess
      Participant

      My ex partner (detail removed by moderator) me after returning to the family home with children after period of shielding last year. Emergency services came out as I didn’t want to let him get away with it along with his controlling and coercive behaviour. I fought him through the courts in a (detail removed by moderator).

      I didn’t think I had the strength, he practically broke me causing me severe anxiety with physical shaking, but I was so angry over the effect his behaviour has had on myself and the children that I couldn’t let him get away with it. I was frightened for myself as well as the ongoing effect he has had on our very young children…and they still talk about what daddy did! Although I have much of our belongings back he has held onto so much including keepsakes that the children had because I collected them together.

      What you have mentioned I believe that you should make a statement to the police, seek advice from Victim Support, and if you already have recorded evidence make that allegation of controlling behaviour and include the abuse that the children are being subjected too. According to the child courts a parent is not meant to be negative about the other parent almost in an attempt to turn the children against them, which from what you say your ex is trying to do. He is out of order, it is child abuse, and he is also still messing with your head!

      Save all emails/text messages and definitely keep going with the third party involvement, and try to find the strength to report him and even fight for main responsibility for the children! He doesn’t deserve them! Fight him, you can do it! X

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