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    • #123166
      True2myself
      Participant

      Why do I miss him. I’m in floods of tears. He’s out the house and not allowed to contact me but went am I hurting and wanting him home. What can I do.

    • #123169
      Hawthorn
      Participant

      Ending an abusive relationship and breaking the trauma bond is like getting clean from a drug addiction. The chemical changes in your brain, caused by the abuse, cause the same craving. The craving for the drug, your abuser in this case, can only be broken by cold turkey. No contact like you have been and ride it out. This feeling will pass with time. It’s so hard but you can do it. You’ve been cold turkey for a while now and these feelings will come in waves, try to distract yourself; sleep, eat, bath, tv, post here anything but contact him. It will pass and get easier the longer you are out of the situation.
      It’s ok to miss him, to cry and be sad. That’s all really important for your recovery, but dont lose sight of why you left, and why he cant contact you now. He horribly abused you. That is the real him. Our brains crave familiarity too but when our familiar is abuse, it’s better to miss it. One hour, one day at a time you will get through this. Even after the darkest of nights comes the dawn.
      Sending strength and a big hug x

      • #123171
        True2myself
        Participant

        Aww thank you that made so much sense. I truly need that strength. ♥️

    • #123173
      xxx22
      Participant

      I feel the same today.. funny how some days are easier and others you just wake up and find it difficult. I’ve spent most of the day crying but I just try to remember I’d be feeling even more hurt being with him. Tomorrow is a new day and hopefully the feeling passes or we find a distraction.
      Sending hugs x*x

      • #123176
        True2myself
        Participant

        Thank you, aww hope you are ok. I bet they aren’t on support groups talking about crying for us lol but yeah it’s really difficult and when I cry is like bad.

      • #123178
        xxx22
        Participant

        Yeah the last time I took him back like a idiot.. he had spent the whole time we was apart talking to somebody new so I’m sure whilst I’ve been crying today he has still been talking to her or somebody.

        Have you found anything that helps distracting? The thing is we know we’ll regret it that’s the problem.

        I don’t know about you, but I feel like I don’t really know my ex now like I only know the version he allowed me to know. So probably what I miss isn’t even real

      • #123188
        True2myself
        Participant

        Yes, I was with him (detail removed by Moderator) and now I’m really not sure who him or his mum are. I thought they loved me and I loved them most in world as well as my children but now they have been acting bad to me for exposing him. I guess his mum thinks I’ve just to accept it and carry on. She knows I’m leaving for good but won’t tell him. He’s at her house and she tells him in devastated and allows him to say….I need this over with to get back to my family. She wants me to break the news. I thought he was perfect. Part of me thinks he was for years. We never went without. It’s really hard to believe they could lie that long but who knows. From what I read, they can. He’s being awkward as well about getting kids or getting his precious car. I have to do all the running but I’m reporting it all. I’m so used to him being here is just hard, we were together 24/7 for (detail removed by Moderator) and I’m not joking lol now I see that’s not healthy but yeah dunno how to get thru this but I guess we Will cos we are stronger than them. We will thrive and they won’t. It’s just super sad and I can’t believe I’ve wasted so long. I’m going on now so I’ll stop lol

    • #123218
      Camel
      Participant

      I think any relationship that makes us cry more than we laugh is a c**p relationship. If a friend made us feel like this, wouldn’t they have been ditched long ago? Love shouldn’t be a relentless, unending hard slog. Even novels and films, with all their dramatic and traumatic highs and lows, end up with a happily ever after.

      And you’re right, if these men spent half the time we did fretting over the relationship – well, we probably wouldn’t need to cry at all.

    • #123287
      Dolly00
      Participant

      I’m in this exact situation at the moment. So times I feel strong but there are times in the day I just break down in tears because I miss him so much! It really is like going cold turkey.

      • #123307
        True2myself
        Participant

        Yeah it’s hard, that’s what I do too. I think I snap out of it again because he’s being awkward about everything. I have to do all the running with kids and car to him or its stressful. It’s getting reported to social workers though. His mum tells me I abused him too. It’s hard to cope. I hope your ok and we are strong and we will be ok. Wish I could fast forward the hurt away.

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