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    • #35122
      White Rose
      Participant

      Just thinking about my Christmas.
      I enjoyed it but it was all about others and on refelection I don’t think there was much for me in there. Feeling sory for myself I think.
      I did the Christmas shopping for both presents and food for 3 elderly relatives.
      I did (detail removed by Moderator) miles to collecting and returning a relative so they could spend Chrsitmas with us.
      I delivered presents to relatives up and down a (detail removed by Moderator) mile stretch of motorway. They “were too busy”. If there hadn’t been children involved I’d not have done it but there were so I did.
      I cooked Christmas dinner for family and took in extras as other relatives was stranded as their Christmas day fell through as a result of illness in another branch of the family. I said I’m a mug!!
      I worked a bank holiday day as my colleagues were short staffed and it looks as if I’m doing another day tomorrow – I’m supposed to be on annual leave!
      I’ve driven my mum to social events as buses don’t run to where she needed to be.
      People have been grateful but I don’t feel I’ve had a break and it’s back to the grind next week after my so called “annual leave” “week off”
      Why me?
      Saving grace – he’s not around which made a difference!!
      Rant over
      Any ideas for dealing with this next year as it will repeat I’m sure would be gratefully received
      Happy new year x*x

    • #35123
      Peaceful Pig
      Participant

      Save up the extra money you’re earning and take yourself off to a sunny beach somewhere next Christmas! 🏖 😉 xx

    • #35127
      Herindoors
      Participant

      Hi White Rose – like most of us you are not used to thinking about yourself, putting yourself first. Impossible to do that when living with an abuser and a really hard habit to break.
      Plan next Christmas exactly the way YOU want it and then stick to it. Between now and then practice saying No when you want to so its easier to say No at Christmas when people are making demands on you.
      Don’t expect a 100% positive reaction but we all need to learn that that’s OK – we are important too, our needs and wants are as important as anyone elses!

    • #35135
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      Also you aren’t a mug.

      You are a lovely person to do all that stuff. Your soul is intact! Just a shame it hasn’t. Even appreciated. Give yourself a pat on the back. Well done.

    • #35151
      Serenity
      Participant

      Lovely White Rose,

      I don’t expect you to suddenly become uncaring and selfish, because then you wouldn’t be the decent person you are.

      But maybe 2017 could be the year where you start taking care of yourself a little more- and others a little less.

      Maybe 50% time should be for you, developing who you are and your talents, and 50% for others. Or how about 70% for you, 30% for others?

      Like many of us, you find it easy to flip into unhealthy, people-pleasing behaviour which upsets this equilibrium.

      Here’s to 2017- with us armed with knowledge x

    • #35168
      White Rose
      Participant

      Thanks ladies
      Maybe I’m not a mug just a softy. You’re right, I need to toughen up otherwise I’ll end up exhausting myself trying to please everyone. It’s hard especially when elderly relatives and children are involved and I’m not a selfish person no matter what “HE” thought.
      I’ll try harder, do more for me – or try to. I think the time for making lists of wishes for 2017 has arrived
      Thanks xx

    • #35177
      Confused123
      Participant

      Hi

      I find keeping mmyself to myself and doing what i want helps, if people cant put your feelings first then u need to back off and relax and think of yourself first and learn to sasy no, ause sometimes ui have to say no and let people accept that. As theother ladies said book a 3/4 day break for yourself next year, thats what im thinking of doing

    • #35182
      White Rose
      Participant

      Thanks confused! I’m going to really try to look after me more in 2017.
      Hope you do too xx

    • #35187
      jsscollie
      Participant

      You aren’t a mug – you are full of empathy and like to please people. My resolution is to get better at saying ‘no’ without having to justify it. It’ll be tough but let’s both try x

    • #35209
      White Rose
      Participant

      You’re on jsscollie! I’m pretty good at saying no in my professional life unless its an emergency – rubbish in my private life xx

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