I nearly lost my children

[Bubblehubble]

Hi,
I left an abusive relationship with my two children. I have suffered from panic attacks, waking up in cold sweats, not being able to sleep for nights on end. I knew something big was going to happen I could feel it. He used to say I was a c**p mum, never good enough, an alcoholic which I’m not as I never drank whilst bringing up our children but he would have his friends over and drink then stay out until the next day (detail removed by Moderator). He sent a lengthy letter to social services (detail removed by Moderator) after I left him. The wound took (detail removed by Moderator) hospital visits and split open again not so long ago after I fell (detail removed by Moderator) called the ambulance. The social services came over and said I was too intoxicated to look after my children who were asleep in their beds. My mum and the police officer with my mum said it wasn’t that bad and they get a lot of call outs (detail removed by Moderator). My children were unharmed. I took them away from my abusive ex their father. I was meant to see them (detail removed by Moderator) but he came and took them. My mum tried to stop him but they said there’s nothing legal in place to stop him from taking them and that the abuse was aimed at me and not them. I came here to get them away from him as they have witnessed a lot and I put them in nursery, went for walks, got us a house to start afresh. After the hospital I was arrested but now the case has been thrown out due to no signs of neglect. I told them they’re not neglected I done everything I possibly could I should never have drank with (detail removed by Moderator) that was my only mistake. Since then my ex has called my (detail removed by Moderator) up saying I’m never going to get custody of them now and that he has a very bad feeling I’m going to commit suicide. I’m not. He’s telling my only friend there that he has friends of mine from here contacting him saying I’m taking drugs and drinking all them time. This is not true I have not drank since he came and picked them up. No one knows him here as I was cut off from everyone when I was with him and I blocked him as soon as I left so no one knows his name here. I know he’s lying. I just don’t know how I’m ever going to see them again now. I didn’t press charges against him and he used to hit me whilst holding my boy in his arm. He would throw me about and drag me around when I was about to give birth to my second son. He’s denying all of it but the constant anxiety and panic attacks don’t go away. I’ve been on the counselling list for (detail removed by Moderator) months now and not getting any closer. I just don’t know how to deal with the repercussions of leaving and trying to go back to normal life. Has anyone else been through the same? Thanks for reading xx

[KIP.]

Hi there what you describe about an abuser is how they react. They blame us for everything and try to discredit us with everyone because they know they’ve been abusive and they know we will disclose the abuse so they get in with their lies first. It’s very typical. Please get support from your local women’s aid and talk to a solicitor. WA deal with men like him all the time and will guide you through this. Most solicitors will offer free legal advice. Unless you have something legal in place regarding custody then he has as much right to keep the kids as you do so that would be my top priority. To be recognised as the primary carer. As for your friends and family that still have contact with him. Tell them not to respond to him. This is another tactic to try to brainwash the people close to us, and to turn them against us. You know the truth. Try writing a list of the abuse going back as far as you can. Keep a journal of his behaviour and his malicious letters. Remember abusers are liars so don’t believe a word he says and if he’s harassing any of your friends or family they have the right to report him to the police. Leaving an abuser is the most dangerous time for a woman so be very careful. Women’s aid were fantastic at helping me through my nightmare, I too was detained by the police when my ex made counter allegations which were lies too.

[Bubblehubble]

Thank you for your reply KIP. I spoke to them (detail removed by Moderator) but as it’s not recorded on video chat and he knows this he was being argumentative I also didn’t have any witnesses. He said I could talk to them (detail removed by Moderator) but as I was on my own I haven’t yet. I feel like he’s going to try and set me up or something. The thing I most regret is me knowing I’d mess it all up and let down my children. We spent everyday together since they were born. He never showed an interest in them even when they were first born he would leave me alone and spend hours on his xbox when he was off on paternity leave. I just wish there was a fly on the wall throughout our relationship so people would know the truth but he knows I’m the only one that knew about the abuse as I never told anyone apart from (detail removed by Moderator) ago. I didn’t as I wanted my family to like him as they never did when we first got together they knew he was controlling from the get go. I didn’t talk to my mum or dad for (detail removed by Moderator) and after that I only spoke to them now and again. I really hurt my mum by doing this. I wish they would do lie detector tests for court but they don’t in the uk.

[ISOPeace]

Bubblehubble I feel really sad reading your post. You’ve been through some truly terrible abuse and the situation with your kids sounds so hard. I don’t have any useful advice as I haven’t left yet. But I do think the advice to contact Women’s Aid is excellent. My heart goes out to you. You deserve to have your kids with you in safety and I sincerely hope that’s what happens. Sending you lots of love xxxxxx

[Bubblehubble]

Thank you ISOPeace but I take full responsibility for what I done. I should’ve protected my children not made the situation worse. It’s just the freedom afterwards I constantly thought something bad was about to happen mainly him showing up if he knew or found out I lived alone he would’ve been straight over. One night there was a knock on my door when I was nodding off (detail removed by Moderator) at night when I looked out the window there was no one there but it was the constant what if that was him? I couldn’t get a non molestation order as I left it too late to apply as the said it had to be no more than three weeks after the date of the incident. I waited 6weeks for my solicitor to get back to me.

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