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    • #78275
      helpneeded
      Participant

      My daughter has recently told me her dad has hit her on 4 different occasions. I have reported this to family front door and social services have got involved.
      I have just got the report back and they now think I am lying and causing emotional abuse to my daughter. I am devastated.
      My daughter had found drugs and this is why I left her dad. I decided not to phone the police at the time as it was her dad.
      I have given this guy so many chances and I feel like an idiot as it now seems the authorities believe him over me.
      This is a guy that has grabbed at me whilst holding our child, physically pushed me out the house whilst holding our child.
      He would always tell me I would never leave him cause I could never do it by myself. He told me not to call social as they would never believe me.
      It feels that everything he has said was right. I feel so broken that he has taken everything I am as a person away from me and now it looks like he could get our daughter.
      I have never felt so broken. My family lives miles away and I feel like I am completely by myself.
      I don’t really know what to do I have tried contacting so many people for help and support for me and my daughter but feel like I have messed up and let her down.

    • #78278
      EbonyRaven
      Participant

      Hi, Have you spoken to the police domestic violence unit? Or the WA helpline? This is child abuse, he can’t go around hitting your daughter.

      Did they ask her about it? In private, away from him?

      Hang on in there, there are lots of avenues. I don’t have experience with social services but wanted to offer my support. I’m sure someone with more experience will be able to offer some advice.

    • #78279
      helpneeded
      Participant

      They haven’t spoken to her yet. But social services have reported that nobody else have witnessed her saying it. However my daughter has said it to my parents and one of my friends.
      I have spoken to WA previously but am scared to phone again as social services have said they will be contacting them and I don’t want to look like I’m phoning again just because of the report, so I just feel lost.
      Thank you for your reply x

    • #78282
      fizzylem
      Participant

      W*F?

      Great that she has told family and a friend as well; they can not conclude this when they have not even spoken to the child or any of the people she has told. I would get these people to write a statement and get it signed, with their contact details also on it. I would also ask them if they would be willing to testify in court if needed, it is unlikely they will need to, but they should be made aware that by making a statement they are happy to stand by what has been said in court if needed – and add this as a line in the statement. I, xx would be happy to be contacted regarding this matter and or testify if needed or something like.

      I don’t understand what has gone on here at all. Can you take her to the GP? A female GP? It sounds like she could benefit from counselling – maybe ask for this? These notes could prove crucial – it’s other health professionals reporting what they hear.

      Is she saying she doesn’t want to see him? Does he have access? I wouldn’t send her, let him apply for an order if he wants to see her – you are right to be trying your best to protect her.

      Google the ‘Safe not Sorry’ doc. Your daughter has a right to safe contact and if this can’t be guaranteed then she has the right to say she doesn’t want to go and have this respected.

      This must be terrifying; when you’ve reached out and asked for help. It has also been my experience that CS are very pro dad’s atm and that mum’s have a hard time being heard. I was told if I reported it would most likely come back at me by one health professional, that unless he’s battering her or sexually abusing her they’re not interested. I really don’t see that you had any choice other than to call childrens services here, if you feel they are letting you down, call on other agencies.

      Ideally you need a DV support worker from the local WA charity. You can usually find this number of the local councils website if you dont know which charity this is for your area.

      Don’t be afraid to call the WA helpline – this is exactly why they are there.

      Pull in as much support as you can and keep posting xx

    • #78283
      fizzylem
      Participant

      What’s her school teacher like? Would he/she be willing to have a chat with her? If this had come from the teacher the investigation would have taken a very different course. I found school useless, that they didnt want to get involved really, they covered their arse by offering her some counselling, but my child didnt like the counsellors method at all and didnt engage; but that’s not to say that your school will be the same. If she can confide in a teacher and this raises an alarm in him or her then that could help x

    • #78284
      fizzylem
      Participant

      Do you think she could tell the GP? Would be great if she could x

    • #78285
      Twisted Sister
      Participant

      Oh good god,just again and again they get it wrong.

      I really feel for you hearing the things he threatened seemig to be coming true.
      I don’t think he’s saying/threatening anything new in terms of abusers usual tactics, and sady, commonly the system does get easily manipulated by them over the vulnerable women and children.

      Your child needs to disclose o any professional they can.

      It is the duty of any professional to record exactly what’s said and report it.

      Also an organisation called family rights group might be worth calling. Tell them and ask their advice as they work with families in social services cases.

      Keep talking, posting here, and getting support everywhere you can.

      Warmest wishes
      TS

    • #78286
      fizzylem
      Participant

      If she is referred for therapy by the GP it is likely this will take months; hence why it would be good if she can tell the GP, but it would also be good to be able to say she has been referred for an assessment. Of course when she does see a counsellor any disclosures will be in the notes. I paid to go privately in the end rather than wait, but I’d explore the GP and get her into the system / the process – and also explore what your local WA charity can offer her as they may be able to help.

    • #78290
      helpneeded
      Participant

      Thank you everyone.
      So social services told me to take her to the doctors. Which I did the next day but the marks where very faint by this point. The doctor has said he could see marks but these could just be general child marks.
      So now social services are saying by taking her to the doctors have I caused her additional emotional harm (I was following there instructions). The doctor didn’t even address my daughter once.

      The nursery she goes to had referred my daughter to Camus but they have said that they couldn’t help and put me in the direction of front door and health visitor and a peep course (which I got in touch with).
      The nursery have reported that they feel my daughter could be picking up on my anxieties and seem to be back tracking on everything they have previously said.
      They have even mentioned that my daughter will always say that any mark on her bruise or spot her dad has done it. This rings alarm bells with me but the way it’s written makes it sound like I have got her to say it.
      I know what my daughter has said and I know what this man is capable of.
      I just feel like I am going crazy and have to keep telling myself she has said it and I’m actually telling the truth.

    • #78297
      fizzylem
      Participant

      This is mad, mum’s get anxious when their child/children are not ok.

      Sadly, I’ve given up at my surgery as well, it’s too big, servcing too many people, never get the same GP twice, they come and go – there’s no human to human dialogue in the consultation; poor form the GP not even addressing her wasn’t it. At my last surgery I did find a sympathetic GP and she helped a great deal. Speaking to other patients, is there one that seems to come out top? A woman? I think it would help if you could find some support from a female GP, if you could go and see her for you for now? Talk to her about what has happened and how this has left you feeling and get this on your medical record.

      Anxiety is a perfectly normal human response to this situation – of course youre stressed and worried about your child; and now with childrens services.

      You need support. My WA support worker was brilliant, I couldn’t have done it without her, she was so kind and knowledgable. She can help you and your daughter.

      In most cases it takes us a bit of time to find the right kind of support. I would say that if you are taking on childrens services, then you will need support from the health team but that is just my guess.

      You need to gather evidence now. Read the Safe Not Sorry doc. and draw from it to build your case. x

    • #78298
      fizzylem
      Participant

      Have you read the Ofsted doc ‘the voice of the child’ – just read the outline – seems highly relevant to your case. Perhaps you could refer to this doc when dealing with childrens services – I would put your views and examples in writing referring to this doc and how you take offence to their findings, how unhelpful they have been – this can later be used as evidence – get help with this from others – get them to look over it and help you shape it.

      There is no changing what they say when it’s in writing from you and from them. Any contact you have with them now – get a witness to be present or do it in writing, let them know that you will not do any phone communication, that it has to be email, written or face to face only with a witness present. Ask if you can record any face to face interviews also. Do not attend anything on your own.

      Would be good to get some legal advice too hey.

      Breath. You can only do what you can do one step at a time; just chip away when you feel able x

    • #78410
      helpneeded
      Participant

      Thank you everyone I have printed out the documents that you have recommended and going to have a good read through tonight.
      I’ve also emailed family front door saying I feel there are major inaccuracies in what they have said.
      They have noted that I’m the only one that had heard it, even though I had given them several peoples names who have also heard it.
      Fingers crossed they might listen now x

    • #78412
      fizzylem
      Participant

      Send in copies of the statements from the others as well with the letter when you challenge thier inaccuracy; along with any other relevant evidence. It’s outrageous they have said you said it’s only you that has heard her say this when this is not what you said at all. BUT, as you find yourself here now, in someways its good you have things like this to go on, to pull them up on – their errors.

      Feel so sad that you are having to do this, the support and understanding should be there hey – there should be a much better outcome than this. Stand in your truth HN and fight for what you believe is right, fair and needed to prortect your daughter and that is all you can do x

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