I need advise and help please

[Stressedout@]

I’m a mother of 2 children a (ages removed by moderator) old, I’m from (country removed by moderator) I’m in uk as a dependent of my husband, got married to him in (year removed by moderator) back in (country removed by moderator), in (year removed by moderator) he ran back to England with no money and asked me to join him in uk which i did when i joined him things were hard so i had savings which i brought with me to support our family, and after the finished, he asked to sell the only thing i had back home (detail removed by moderator) and give him the money to put down as a deposit for a house that he wanted to buy i said no at first and then he pressurised me and i sold the car and give the money which summed up to £(amount removed by moderator) and after i gave him the money, i didn’t hear anything about buying a house and when i tried to ask, he asked me were the money i got the car i sold came from? I decided to get a job or take a course he wouldn’t let me so i started searching a job without his knowledge until i got a  Job which he wouldn’t let me until my sister called him on phone and begged him to let me take the job he wouldn’t take it until my sister got upset and called him a recist that he should send me back home if he wouldn’t let me take the job, that was how i started the cleaning job.
After this he started being hostile to me, he called me names shout at me in front of the kids at a point i told him that i want to go back home he said that he won’t let me take the kids anywhere and he’s not paying for it and he knows i don’t have money to pay back home because he makes sure i don’t keep money, when i get paid he says he doesn’t have money for food or If I’m trying to tell him that his money is for everyone in the house and mine for myself alone? that i should use my money to do the shopping for the house,
Recently he manage to turn my family against me they don’t pick nor return my calls and asked his family to call (detail removed by moderator) and lie against me that I’m maltreating my own children which i was cleared, i told the lady from (detail removed by moderator) what has been going on which she tried to help but didn’t know how to help because of my immigration status. I went to the Doctors because I’ve been having difficulties sleeping at night for months now and i manage to tell her what’s has been happening she advise i get in touch with women center for help and she also prescribe some sleeping tablet for me. I feel so weak and helpless like giving up, no one to talk to no one to turn to Please i need help or advise please.
Thank you

[freedomtochoose]

You haven’t had a reply yet, I’m the first one. I’m sure that if you hang on Women’s Aid can help as a first step. Also sure that if you keep posting here other ladies will offer support too.

I’m speaking as someone who got out of a marriage (with difficulty and complications, long story).

If I were you – I would grapple with the idea that you need to start protecting yourself – without your
husband’s knowledge, as he obviously does not have your interests at heart.

How you do that – I can’t say as I am not in your situation.
Sorry I can’t help more. I am sure you are very strong inside and love your kids. I am also sure that others may be able to help more than I can.
Thinking of you. Don’t give in.
All best
ftc.

[KIP.]

Ring the helpline number on here. They can help you with agencies that know what they’re doing. Your husband is an abuser and they are liars. Do not believe a word he says. Menatime keep a journal of his behaviour and any evidence you can. Texts, emails, photos of injuries if applicable. The try to isolate us from our family, try to make us dependent on them. Ring the helpline on here or contact your local women’s aid x

[Lisa]

Hello Stressedout@,

Welcome to the forum! I hope that you find it a safe and supportive place to be. I am so pleased to see that you have already had some great advice here. As a first step I agree that the helpline would be able to talk you though all your options and may help you consider a way forward for you and your children. I am sorry that he has isolated you from your family both physically and emotionally. You may well find that he has been lying to them and in time you can rebuild your relationship with them. The helpline should be able to talk to you about your immigration status as I am not sure if you have indefinite leave to remain or if you are entitled to benefits but there are options to you. Under the Destitute Domestic Violence Concession Act you might be entitled to financial help and to fast track your visa application. If this might be applicable to you please have a look at the following website- https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/application-for-benefits-for-visa-holder-domestic-violence
Your local Women’s Aid group should be able to offer you help and support and Women’s Aid also have a program called ‘The No Woman Turned Away Project’ which helps find refuges for Women who perhaps may have a barrier (such as no recourse to public funds or unclear immigration status) so when you phone the helpline you can ask for more information about this project and the helpline worker should be able to help you.

Well done for being so brave and posting here. Please do not let him know that you are trying to access support or it could possibly make his behaviour to you even worse and put you and your children further at risk. Please keep any evidence of his abuse as they may be useful for you if you need to prove you were experiencing domestic abuse to support your visa. If you are in fear please phone the Police.

We are all here for you so please keep posting to let us know what the helpline advice. Please call only at a safe time when he is not in the house or with you. If they are busy leave a message with a safe time to call you back and they will get back to you as soon as they can.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Forum Moderator

[Wits End]

Hello Stressedout

Just a quick response from me, but I would strongly urge you to seek legal help as quickly as possible. If you go to the law society website you can put in your postcode and find a lawyer close at hand. May be look for a firm who deals with both immigration and family law, and may be make an appointment to see an immigration lawyer within the firm first, and then ask that person to refer you also to a colleague in the family law department. You will probably be entitled to legal help without having to pay but the lawyer will assess that. Always try and ask for a half hour’s free consultation to begin with in any event.
I am uncertain, but you may be able to claim asylum, but you really ought to get legal advice on this and quickly. You must also get the family lawyer’s advice really quickly, as you need to be ready in case there should be any issues such as child abduction on his part, and also for advice on your part. I am not saying that child abduction is going to happen, but practically, you need to cover all aspects of what could happen so that you can contact people quickly, particularly where child abduction is concerned, as the courts take this very seriously, and take a very dim view of anyone who tries to abduct a child and remove them from the jurisdiction, as do the police, and prevention is always better than cure.
There is also Lisa’s advice above, so hopefully you now have a few options to work on.
I hope you find a way forward very soon as we all have the right to be treated with dignity, respect, love, warmth, and compassion in our lives.

Best wishes

WE xx

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