I need some advice please

[Emotionalmess]

Hi I’m new to this and thought I would give it a try here I go sorry I’m a little nervous…
I recently found out that I am pregnant (detail removed by Moderator) I’m happy I was considering having an abortion but decided not to do it.. I used to be a sex worker (detail removed by Moderator). I met some guy who was a (detail removed by Moderator) before I finally got help and he wine and dined me got me away from the agency I was working for he got recalled to jail (detail removed by Moderator) I had to move to a temporary accommodation (detail removed by Moderator) and because I was getting a lot of trouble of this guys ex partner and friends.. whilst he was in jail I discovered that I was pregnant and told him when he got released from jail he turned up at my door step and hasn’t left since this was on the (detail removed by Moderator) I did at one point call the police to have him removed in the mean time i had applied for *Clairs law* and was awaiting this to come back anyways (detail removed by Moderator) ago he saw me coming home and basically forced his way In he is the baby’s dad now I have a lot of support including social services but I haven’t told them what’s going on because I’m scared this will go against me he said he would kill him self if I leave him he says he will change he puts me down he also forced himself inside me (detail removed by Moderator) ago I was saying no eventually I let him but still didn’t say yes he says it wasn’t rape because I’m his bird and I wasn’t kicking and screaming to get him off could someone please give me some advice I’m petrified he kills him self but I’m unhappy and don’t want this relationship

[Anonymous]

Hi emotionalmess,

Heres my thoughts and hopefully they won’t be edited.

Firstly, his mental health and his threats to kill himself and if he does is no way your responsibility. Which is hard to take on board during the difficult time. He’s using the threats as a tactic to make you stay. Soon from experience these threats will turn to other things of making you stay, my experience was violence and being locked inside my house for months with no escape.

Secondly, you can be a rape victim in a relationship. Just because he thinks your together does not give him the right to force himself upon you. Also what he is doing is using coercion to sexually abuse you. Coercion is when a person threatens or tries to persuade you to do something you don’t want. In this instant he threatened yo kill himself to get you to agree to sex with him. It’s a hard pill to swallow so I’m sorry for being so blunt I truly am. You may not be in the right place but I would suggest contacting the police and telling them this. Asking for them to help you get a non-molestation order from the courts. If your not happy contacting the police. Contact your local domestic abuse charity. They have IDVAs who specialise in domestic abuse who can help you access solicitors free of charge depending on income or if your on benefits to apply to the courts for a restraining order. The non-molestation order is a restraining order. There is another order which they can apply for to remove him from your home. I applied for both and didn’t involve the police. Only when he showed up I then showed them the order to have him removed.

Thirdly, social services want to see you protect your baby from harm/risk or the potential. For now you don’t have to tell them parts of your life if you do not wish. But having a man like that in your child’s life will eventually lead to social services finding out and unfortunately for victims we don’t always come across empathetic professionals and point the blame at us. You are not to blame in any of this.

Finally, the baby is yours. Yes he contributed to conception. I personally would not put him on the birth certificate look at online what parental responsibility is. Once their on the birth certificate they have rights. Do you really think you could trust this man alone with your child? I am sending you lots of hugs and love. I know I’ve given you lots of information. But if you can take one step to protecting yourself from further abuse try giving your local domestic abuse charity a call.

All the best, one woman to another:)

[Emotionalmess]

Thank you so much for advice an no your speaking truth I am really grateful that you have took the time to reply I have took some of ur advice and I have reported him to the police I have explained a little to my social worker not about the rape yet tho I will next week when I have a appointment with her I have had to stay at a friends house at the moment just to get away as he won’t yet again leave so I just called the police and emailed them to with full details of what happened and asked them to remove him from the property I’m thinking stay away from the property and talk to housing on Monday asking for a move or refuge
Thanks so much I truly appreciate your help and time

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