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I have been with a guy for the past (detail removed by moderator) years, It was a whirlwind of a fairytale love, I have nevwr felt so happy, I am a single mum to 3 children, and needed to find someone for company attention.. (detail removed by moderator) into the relationship he started to have signs of I believe a mental illness, to cut along story short he abused me, rhepolice got involved, but I couldn’t stay away from him..he has been like a drug…i have given up everything for him, excpet my children..he calls me a c**t a s**g tart a liar sneaky accuses me of everything tgat at the moment I cant even put down..he has spat in my face..then tells me it is all my fault..I am taking him back time and time again..he is suffocating me..has given me a break down anxious struggle to go out alone even to the shop .I have a clown face to the outside world..when he becomes angry he will ignore me so I beg him and then he calms and thinks we are perfect..my mind now is shutting down in him, I am so so angry with myself..my health i
s poor, He became homeless so I took him in but it doesnt matter what I do it is never enough for him…he has accused me so much I have actually found him all over social media flirting with other women any woman as he isnt fussy apparantly..he flirts like mad..and yet has balmed me for what he is actually doing..I need to know I am not alone i feel so alone…I have to get him out of my mind…but it isnt easy he is like a drug..and the withdrawal is rancid..I sound like a weak human..sorry for any spelling mistakes and grammer.. -
Hi and you have just described my husband perfectly. I remember in the early days saying to myself that I was obsessed with him, he was like a drug that I couldn’t do without. That was over 2 decades ago.😢😒 I no longer work, have no friends, have no real relationship with my children, he’s their stepdad 😔. There are days I could sleep the clock round, others I can just manage going to the shops. So no my darling your not alone, though this is such a lonely road we’re on.
Unless your oh has been diagnosed with mh problems and you have seen the evidence for yourself, don’t believe a word that comes out of his mouth. Have you managed to speak to WA yet, one of the best people to talk to is your own doctor. Let them know how his behaviour is making you feel, how alone you are. This is his shame, his guilt, you have done nothing to make him treat you this way, he chooses to 😥
You’ve taken the first step in the road to getting away from him, each day is one step further away from him. Keep posting, keep reading others posts, knowledge is power as they say. Once you start to recognise the signs you’ll learn how to deal with it better. There are a few books available that many of us read, living with the dominator, why does he do that, power and control. You’ll become an expert on this subject but he will start to notice you getting stronger, so you’ll be acting to save your soul, the less he knows or realises the better.
Welcome to the forum, keep safe and keep posting
IWMB 💕💕 -
I am very new to this so might not be much help, but I can say from experience that nothing you do will ever be good enough because you are not the problem so you can never be the solution.
You are not to blame and that man is not a drug. He is manipulating you to keep hold of you, even if it isn’t black and white. He is setting the game up so you feel like it is you who keeps coming back when he is actually setting the stage for it.
A few people on here recommended reading about FOG. Fear, Obligation and Guilt. It has helped me to understand the subtle ways my partner has tricked me on a daily basis.
I hope we all find a way out of this but I sure it will take time xx -
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Your right nothing I do is ever good enough for him, but he has made me feel derailed from life, I could scratch my own skin away because he has made me feel inadequate, I am new to this site 1st ever scream out tonight, but I got to Screamneed to hear that it isnt me, I am not mad, I want to be loved is that so hard 🙁
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Hi hopeanddreams
Your post really touched me- and describes exactly how im feeling- i just need someone to hear me. We go through our days being ignored or told to be quiet or that we are too sensitive.. we are just begging for someone to hear and listen to us. Do you have access to a counsellor? I went the other day for the first time and she summarised at the end with ‘Your voice isnt being heard, you are not being heard. Next time I want to rediscover you. You have got lost in all of this’. It is true- we lose our voice and with it who we are.
Your last sentence also struck a chord.. I cry with joy/sadness when I see people in love and I wonder if I will ever get to feel that way. It must be wonderful.
Keep strong and keep posting.. you will be heard here x -
I can smell his toxicity from here. What a horrible nasty human being. You must if you can start to detox from his trauma. Yes, loving someone like this is an addiction. And there is research to show that when we detox from love or their trauma it is the same as someone detoxing from cocaine. This was research using MRI scans of the brain to prove this as the same area of the brain that lights up correlated with that of individuals detoxing from trauma. So now you see how b****y hard it is to leave an abusive relationship especially when all your value and self worth is tied up in the person.w
I’ll be straight with you- the only way you can detox from him and get your self worth back is by going NO CONTACT. It’s hard, I had to literally sit on my hands most days not to contact him, not to ask why.
Once he is away only then can you detox and slowly build your like. You might try to fill the empty space ( now that he’s out of your life) by going to a woman’s aid group- excerising etx. Simple stuff. But no contact means no contact even if he texts or leave a message threatening to kill himself.
Can I recommend a book that you might find helpful- Psycopath Free by Jackson Mackenzie and to follow on is his other book Whole again. I have found this to be great in understanding my ex and it’s also where I learned about cluster B personalities.
Protect yourself and your children. They to might need support.
Please please fight for yourself.
We are all here for you. This forums has helped me in so many ways and I feel as women we are often stronger supporting someone else so lean in. X -
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To put it bluntly, it’s not only you that is suffering, your children will be too. If you cannot leave for yourself, leave for them. You have to put their safety first. Witnessing domestic abuse is child abuse. This man is not worth the damage his behaviour has probably already done to you and your children. Start to put some of it right by planning how you can leave and keep yourselves safe.
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