This topic contains 4 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  HopeLifeJoy 1 month, 1 week ago.

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  • #101586

    Ive just started working with a therapist. I havent yet told her much about my partner as its only been our second appointment but im doing the homework. I realised alot of my repetitive negative thoughts about myself are made by him. I keep writing im not good enough, i feel embarressed,i feel ashamed, i hate myself, im angry with myself. Alot them come from because i feel like i have annoyed him again.
    Im going to try make some real changes.

  • #101588

    I spent years trying to fix a problem that was never mine. He is the problem. He is causing your distress x

  • #101597

    You are changing, you are seeing those words, those thoughts were his. You are getting stronger and stronger the more you have nothing to do with him. People mess up, the thing is we accept we’ve messed up and do something about it, an abuser continually reminds us of that constantly, bringing up things from years ago sometimes. Who even thinks like that🤔🤔
    You should be very proud of yourself, gold star to you🏅

  • #101615

    Ahhh big big one for us to realize!!! That self critic is almost always largely made up of what someone else has told us about ourselves, blaming us for things that were not our fault, transferring who they are onto us, making us a scapegoat for you name it! Look up gaslighting. That’s an eye popper! Yep, when you start slapping all that up on the wall and pull it out of your head so “you” can examine it with a very critical eye things come to light and it happens rather quickly. But as you know, as long as it just runs around in your head, you say whatever, keep believing it, it’s a vicious circle and cycle of you abusing yourself really. I remember when I had to put a stop to that one. I ran after that ballbat and said OH no you don’t. I’m not beating myself up anymore. I will take criticism that is rightfully mine and all that, no problem but I’m not going to sit here and be the one that beats myself up because that makes someone else feel bigger, me smaller and just take it. Especially when I have the power to stop it and you do and you are doing it! So big kudos for you!! And while doing that, to balance things out here, make a list of all the things you really like/love/respect about yourself. We can be our own big champion here. Our best friend. I found so many things running around in my head that during my spring cleaning of my thoughts – I found out were not from me at all. Some were actually from my parents since they were extremely abusive as well. So I pulled those puppies up roots and all and then I became watchful, turned over rocks, hacked up nasty roots and vines that were choking everything out and realized Geeeshhhh, no wonder I had no energy for myself here! I have been self sabotaging like crazy listening to this tape of lies unchecked. Keep going!!

  • #101801

    It’s all his brain wasching that did that to you. The good news is that you can un-programme these negative thoughts he engrained into your brain. With self care and being kind to yourself you’ll counter whatever he’s done. It takes time so keep at it. It is okay to have down days. Then be extra kind to yourself. And pick yourself up again. Big hugs to you 💕

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