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    • #58297
      Moonshine
      Participant

      Hi there, I’m so sick of this toxic existence of living under the same roof as this man I married so young and for so many decades now.
      His aggressive name calling is chosen carefully to attack my vulnerabilities and cause maximum on my mental health and confidence. I really want to set things in motion to start divorce proceedings but constantly put this off.
      Our oldest two children despise him as they now see that his treatment of them and me is abusive and his tales about me totally untrue. Our youngest is still a child and he’s playing the same game of telling them the same lies about me and trying to turn her against me too. I feel so guilty that I did not leave before my older two children were negatively impacted by his toxicity but even worse that I’m watching this again and still not having the courage to take that step. I work and have always been the parent to pay for most things whilst he hid his earnings whilst withdrawing this out into the abyss, pretending he had nothing and becoming verbally abusive when I asked him about it. He even paid in and withdrew money out of the joint account for about a decade, pretending to pay his half of the mortgage every month when he was just taking it back. It was years before I found out. I do have evidence of all of this in the form of bank statements which I have kept in preparation for when I divorce him which he has no idea about. One of my biggest fears is it having a home for me and my children and wonder if I could buy him out of the house.
      I know that he would do his best not to let this happen but wonder if a judge, if this went to court would take his financial deception Into account when ruling on the home.
      So sorry for such a long muddled post but I so want to be free with my children but need and deserve the stabity of our home.
      I know I need legal advice but if anyone has a y similar experiences I would really appreciate knowing how this worked out for you.
      Many thanks x

    • #58306
      Chickadee
      Participant

      Hi.

      Get an attorney. Get with a Domestic Violence Resouce Center, for someone to talk to in person,or placement in a supoort group, to provide support as you go through it. And if course, you have all of us too!

      Chickadee

    • #58311
      Iwon
      Participant

      I had a very similar experience ref finances and fraud and hiding money. Not paying towards bills but appearing to pay everything and taking it back.

      My advice. Get a solicitor recommended by womens aid who specialise in domestic abusers because they need to be handled differently.

      I tried to expose my ex and had barristers and legal fees. Don t waste your time. This is the laws view. You have been married a reasonable amount of time. You have both worked so it starts at 50 50 split of all assets and usually all debts ( unless you can prove his debts are really personal stuff e.g. gambling.

      From the 50 50 split they look at how the children will mostly reside with and that will affect the 50 50 split so for example it will be 60 40 split with it seeming reasonable if you have the kids you stay in the house.

      He would need to pay you some child support regardless of whether you work if you are the resident parent. I made a lit of mistakes in my divorce because I had a rubbish solicitor who client cope with his antics.

      I came out ok in my divorce but it took a lit more money and time due to bad advice.

      We sold our house and sad as it felt it was the best thing. I wanted somewhere I owned that he had no access or right to. A whole new beginning and A whole new future is ahead of you.

      You will look back when you are settedcand think God what peace. I wish I had done it years ago.

      (detail removed by moderator)

    • #58333
      Moonshine
      Participant

      Hi Chickadee and Iwon, thank you both very much for your advice.
      I really need to take the bull by the horns and just do this with both and legal advice.
      I’m such a fighter when it comes to helping sort other people’s problems and injustice but not for me and my children with this.
      I know without a doubt that I never want a relationshim with him again and absolutely detest him as a person.
      To the outside world he is the most charming, calm and helpful man you could possibly imagine but behind closed doors the exact opposite.
      I just need to stop talking about this and set the wheels in motion.
      Thanks again for your advice x

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