- This topic has 9 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 3 years, 10 months ago by gettingtired.
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24th January 2021 at 9:01 am #120310HopefulwishesParticipant
Hi
I really need to leave! I have a new house to go to that’s just sat there waiting to welcome me when I find the confidence to go. The original plan that was put in place with my DV worker was to flee when he was at work which still made me feel uneasy. I just feel guilty and deceitful making all these plans behind his back. But now he is at home 24/7 with lockdown hitting and I don’t know how to leave. I’m terrified. I’m also exhausted with the constant battle in my head of what to do. Thinking of a time that’s best, how to do it, how I’m going to pack a small bag for now without him shouting at me.
I just feel like I can’t take that step I need to. It’s scary.
Does anyone have advice on how they left and how I can possibly through this final hurdle. I have 3 children too 1 is to him so that worries me. I’m willing to walk away and leave most of my things but I would like to get out my children’s things and our clothes.Thank you in advance x
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24th January 2021 at 9:40 am #120311KIP.Participant
Can you send him to the supermarket. Does he have any friends or family he visits. Any dental or other appointment coming up? If your house is ready then bin bags of stuff for the kids and you into the back of a taxi. Once you’re free you can decide how to deal with him in the future. Yes it’s scary but the indecision makes it so much worse. Do you have anyone to help you? Women’s aid? Friends or family. Maybe it’s just a case of taking the first opportunity he’s out to throw stuff in bags and call a taxi or friend. It’s wonderful you have that new house. If it makes it easier then tell yourself it’s temporary. You’re taking the kids for a holiday and a break. A temporary separation. Trick your mind to get you out the door. The very first time he abused you he gave you permission to leave. Once free, get some legal advice about being the main carer and access if appropriate. Women’s aid can support you with this too. Sometimes you just need to push past the fear and take a leap of faith.
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24th January 2021 at 11:28 am #120313RockandrolldreamscomethroughParticipant
Kip is right, the first time he abused you then you had every right to leave. Is there any excuse that you can think of to get him out the house for a while?
You aren’t guilty or deceitful, you can bet your bottom dollar that when he’s abusing you he doesn’t feel guilty. You are strong, you have come this far, it seems very very messy and overwhelming right now but you can do this ❤️
What helped and still does help me is imagining my future where this is all a bad memory and things are happy and I am free. Good luck x-
24th January 2021 at 9:09 pm #120333HopefulwishesParticipant
Thank you. I just can’t seem to take that next step to walk out the door. Why does he have this hold over me! It infuriates me. He doesn’t leave the house. I can’t do anything without him. Even when I leave the house for work I have to be on the phone to him. I’m suffocating.
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24th January 2021 at 12:21 pm #120314WaterspriteParticipant
I left with 3 children took documents and a car load that’s it. I was petrified but we did it social services and DA team helped – reach out for support get everything ready your intention clear and then it’s a leap of faith. It’s not easy but best thing I did for my kids and me – safety freedom to make choices a future. Abuse effects children so so much even if we can’t see it at the time. Leaving is the most dangerous time – do t let on you are going. You can do this – you are nearly there! X
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24th January 2021 at 9:12 pm #120334HopefulwishesParticipant
Thank you for commenting. I have 3 kids and I know it’s affecting my older 2. How did you find the confidence to up and leave. I would maybe find it easier if he was at work so I could flee without the confrontation. If you don’t mind me asking how did you find sorting out arrangements for the children?
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24th January 2021 at 12:24 pm #120315WaterspriteParticipant
* should be don’t let on x
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24th January 2021 at 10:03 pm #120335True2myselfParticipant
I’m at the same stage and I can agree with the feeling guilty at keeping things from him. I’m feeling the exact same thing but I know they don’t feel guilty. We do cos we aren’t like that. I’m learning to realise it’s what needs to be done. Not because we want to but because we have to. I have kids too you will get there ♥️
Good luck
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25th January 2021 at 12:32 pm #120348Newyear2021Participant
I want to leave and don’t know how plus I want to without him knowing and I want to take some of my things #needingconfidence #leaving #helpneeded
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25th January 2021 at 1:51 pm #120349gettingtiredParticipant
Hi have you contacted womens aid or the national abuse helpline? Does your partner ever leave the house such as to go out to work for the day? Do you have a friend/family member/s who could help you move out? As I noticed you said you want to take some of your things. I’ve seen other women on here recommending people to start gathering important documents that you’ll need and perhaps keeping them with a trusted friend? Are you able to start sneakily moving things out whilst you’re still with him? Womens aid says leaving is the most dangerous time so it’s best if you have a plan in place if possible. Also, keeping an emergency bag with essentials in case you do need to get out quickly x*x
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