This topic contains 3 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  [email protected] 3 months ago.

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  • #68854
     Anonymous

    I have been with my partner for (Detail removed by Moderator) years. The last week has broken me.

    He’s been drinking to excess for over (Detail removed by Moderator) now. At first he blamed it on work, then on stress, and now on me. He has been violent in the past, punched a hole in our (Detail removed by Moderator) and ripped a cupboard door off, destroyed (Detail removed by Moderator) and punched every piece of furniture in the house. He doesn’t earn as much as me so I often lend him money, but he spends it on alcohol. When he gets paid he will buy groceries sometimes which he says counts towards paying me back, but realistically I want the money back as I am learning to drive and saving for a car.

    I know I am a fool and should have left years ago before things got this bad. I feel I have changed. I’ve lost 2kg in a week as I have no appetite. I try so hard not to confront the problem but honestly I am sick and tired of finding hidden bottles of booze paid for with my money. Writing this all down makes me feel sick, I am so lost and feel completely trapped. I cannot leave as I can’t drive and have two cats I refuse to leave in his care (I have, obviously, paid the insurance every month for (Detail removed by Moderator) years). My parents home is not an option as they live too far from my workplace.

    Im desperate to escape this torture. When I try to talk to him he says he wants to die and I would be better off without him. He threatens to kill himself often when he drinks. I have spoken with Drinkline and local alcohol counselling service, I have offered to go with him to the GP (I myself have experienced serious depression and been through various counselling services) but he never goes through with it. It is hard for me to understand. It makes me feel very stressed and sometimes he tries to drive away, but if he has been drinking I try to stop him as I am afraid he will hurt someone or himself. He has drunk driven me many times without my consent as I would never agree to it.

    Im sorry that this is a bit all over the place. I just need to get this out of my head. Tonight I went to a (Detail removed by Moderator) with a female colleague (I never do this bear in mind, as I never seem to see my friends anymore). He promised he wouldn’t drink and would pick me up from the station. When I rang him on the train home he told me to get a cab because he was sleeping. When I finally got in I found a nearly empty bottle of (Detail removed by Moderator) stashed behind a cupboard. I just feel so uncared for at the moment. I’m literally supporting our whole litle “family“ and I’m exhausted. Please don’t tell me I’m stupid. I know I need to leave. I just can’t keep this all hidden inside anymore.

  • #68856
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Hi, you’re not stupid, you’re being abused. Have you contacted your local women’s aid? They are a great support. Threatening suicide is a very common tactic for abusers. They play on our good nature and use Guilt to control us. Next time he threatens suicide ring an ambulance for him. His attitude will soon change. Could you maybe rent a room from someone locally who would allow your cats? Maybe a women’s aid refuge until you find somewhere. You are not responsible for him. He chooses to abuse you. Drink driving is a criminal offence and he is putting you both in danger not to mention other road users. They just have no regard for anyone but themselves. Time to get help and make a safe exit plan. There is a helpline number on her 24hrs. It would be good to talk to someone on there. Women who understand x

  • #68871
     Iwantmeback 
    Participant

    Hi there, haven’t much time just now, but dogs trust take in pets until you’re re homed yourself,or feel safer you can visit them too. X

  • #68872
     [email protected] 
    Participant

    It sound like it’s time to get your ducks in a row so to speak. It’s time to put yourself first and that’s not being harsh. Can you get him out of the house with a court order. If your scared of him I’d contact WA and the police. This is the hard part, but don’t feel guilty, (Detail removed by Moderator) You cant be expected to live like this, alcohol excess is an illness, it can run in families. But it’s not your problem if it’s making your life hell it’s time to pick up the phone and get some advice. We’re here for moral support and advice anytime xx ☺this will get better, if he threatens suicide I would call an ambulance then you’ve acted responsibility no one can have a come back if you act. He maybe admitted to hospital, it’s his responsibility to get better but he’s most like in denial. All the best 💕💕diy

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