I never had counselling

[Ificouldfly]

Hey, I’m new here, first time I will have openly admitted this.

It’s been nearly (detail removed by Moderator) years since my abusive relationship. Despite several attempts at dating, any time I start to ‘like’ someone, I immediately find my excuses to get out. It’s a pretty lonely existence not being able to let anyone in.

After my ex it took me a very long time to admit that it was an abusive relationship, when it came to an end I self-medicated with certain substances, until it came to a head around (detail removed by Moderator) after when I had a break down. I received counselling to bring myself back, but never once brought up any of the abuse that I had gone through, I think because I was still trying to accept it myself. My family and friends knew bits about what I had been through, but at the time I didn’t want to upset them anymore than they were, so I didn’t tell them the real extent of what went on.

I’m realising now just how deep this has gone, has anyone been through similar? Is it too late for me to receive counselling? would it be able to change behaviour that’s been going on for so long?
I am happy on my own now, but I would like to be able to open up to someone again.

[KIP.]

Counselling is definitely worth looking into. Also reading up on abusive relationships. Read Living with the Dominator which will help you makes sense of the abuse. Trauma stays with us until it’s dealt with so a good counsellor with experience of domestic abuse would be great. Abuse destroys our self esteem and self confidence. That needs to be rebuilt. Our sense of trust is destroyed too. It takes time to rebuild that but you can do it.

[Ayanna]

It is never too late to take up counseling.
Speak to your GP about therapy and get a referral.
Abuse leaves deep mental scars and without help they will never smoothen out.
The experience was obviously so traumatic for you that it took you all these years to begin the process of realisation only recently.
The time for you to deal with it and to confront yourself with the immense hurt it has caused you is probably now.

[maddog]

I agree with the others who say it’s never too late. I have had therapy throughout my adult life because things went very wrong from early on. It’s only very recently that I am starting to come to terms with my marriage. I had nice boyfriends until the one I married. I probably believed at my core that I wasn’t worth better & I shoved his behaviour under the carpet. I am finding trauma therapy very different. Things can get better. They really can, even if the road is bumpy.

[Author]

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