I never imagined it would get so bad

[cupcakes]

I worry so much about what detail to put on here but I just need help

The abuse has gone from your mental your sick etc to threatening to call social services for anything and everything even because I am ignoring him.

We have split up but his refusing to leave the house until out solicitors have sorted out the children and finances… But I can’t live like this

I even received a letter from his solicitor (removed by moderator) basically telling me to be nice to him because of the children.. His obviously told them his the victim. However his the one threatening to destroy me and telling me I make him feel physically sick while the children are around

His even told me his reported me to the police saying I am threatening him and that I might call to say his abusing me. I didn’t threaten I just said I could call the police as I just want him to stop

When I tell him calling me names is wrong he just says I am mental and I am making it all up.

Oh a day his convinced I’m having an affair because I brought a couple of new tops

[KIP.]

This sounds exactly what my ex did to me. His behaviour is escalating and I ended up being physically assaulted. What he is saying is called mirroring. He knows you can call the police on him so he is saying he will call them on you. Same with social services. Exactly like mine. If you listen carefully he is kind of confessing his abusive behaviour. Please get in touch with your local women’s aid. They can help you with a plan to leave or have him removed from the home. He is going nowhere and he will use any excuse to stay. Finances, children etc. Mine did the same. Please keep a journal secretly as this can be used as evidence. Speak to your GP as this can be used as evidence. My ex even wrote through his solicitor something very similar about behaviour while living together. He is dangerous because he is losing control. Just like mine. Can you afford to take the kids and rent somewhere until things are sorted legally. Is the house in your name or joint? You and your children don’t need to go through this. Don’t listen to a word he says. It’s all designed to confuse you, keep you thinking about what he is saying and doing instead of making plans to leave. Please ring the helpline and get in touch with your local women’s aid. I’d also have a word with the domestic abuse police on 101.

[KIP.]

There’s a great book called Living With The Dominator by Pat Craven.

[cupcakes]

Thank you Kip.

I have spoken to womans aid a couple of times and they have been great. I have seen my doctor and been referred for some local support which which is face to face in a couple of weeks.. I have a solicitor too so everything is in process it’s just dealing with him while everything is sorted out.

It freaks me out when he literally says I’m that mental I’ve made everything up. I am scared because he could so easily make everyone believe him. His always threatening to have the children taken off me and threatening social services for everything. I am speaking to him regarding the children but when he comes in saying hi hope you have had a great day it’s so strange and confusing me I can’t bring myself to say yes great when I’m literally having chest pains because of what he is doing to me. I’m trying to put a brave face on around the children but inside I’m breaking

[KIP.]

Hey there. I went through exactly the same thing. Their behaviour is so dysfunctional that any sane person would be driven mad. It’s called gaslighting. I secretly recorded my ex and his abuse. These men are not rational and I used to think that nobody would believe me (he frequently told me this). He also said I was delusional, mental illness blah blah blah. Looking back it was all nonsense but when you’re trapped in the middle you don’t have the head space to deal with this sort of behaviour. He has become such a huge influence in your life that you think he will have a huge influence on other people but once the truth was out, nobody believed him. Not the police, not the judge, not my friends and family. He will stall, divert attention from his own behaviour, drag things out. You need to work on getting out or gettin him out before he sets you up to have you removed by the police. Never ever underestimate these men. My health went off the scale when I was trying to leave him. My hair began falling out. Constantly on high alert. Not sleeping. Barricading my bedroom door at night (he removed the lock I had on the door). It was all so dangerous but because it had become my ‘normal’, I just didn’t understand the danger I was in and as your partner sees you getting stronger and more determined to end things, his behaviour will get physical. Please don’t wait for that to happen x

[cupcakes]

I am sorry sorry you went through all this too it’s scary as everything you are saying sounds so similar.

I have nowhere to go and his told me not to even think about trying to leave and take the children

[White Rose]

Keep relying on your solicitor to deal with things and keep safe. Keep police and GP and health visitor/school involved too.
I got bored with his threats towards the end as he rarely followed through and when he did (it was with our daughter’s school – he’s told them I was seriously mentally ill) I got a worried call from them to go in and see them. He still finds ways of getting messages to me about how he’s going to report me to this that and the other official body, if still hurts but as my uncle used to say “he’s all mouth and no trousers” – that vision helps… spindly pale legs and huge saggy belly!!
You say you have no where to go – if things get worse you may need to so please make sure you have things you might need photocopied and stashed somewhere safe. Keep safe x*x

[cupcakes]

Thank you… X

[Author]

Posts