I question whether it’s bad enough?

[Appletango03]

I’ve been with him a few years now.
At first it was great, you know just standard arguments.

But then he turned on me about my past. Stuff from before I met him. He started name calling, tell me I couldn’t get better than him. W***e, hoe, he was just with me cause I was easy, everything you name it I’ve been called. He’s multiplied thousands out of me promising he will Pay it back.
But recently it’s got worse, it started with a slap round the face followed by a sorry
But now I’ve been slapped, strangled a few times, face squeezed so hard it’s bruised me. towers over so I cower on the floor and beg
Punched me in the body, leaving bruises. He picked me up stood at a cliff edge and threatened to throw me over. I’ve told him to leave me he comes back angrier, if I leave it winds him up too.

But I’m still with him. I havnt told a soul. Until coming on here now.. I know it’s wrong so I can’t understand why I question if it’s abuse ?
Is it bad enough yet to get help?
I don’t know.

I’m so confused, lost, and worst of all I live away from my friends and family.
I feel stuck living together as we rent an I can’t afford to leave.

What do I do- I feel so stupid. I’m scared people will call me stupid.

🙁

[maddog]

You’re not stupid. Well done for posting here. Frankly it sounds as though you’re terrified and justifiably so. We normalise and minimise the abuse and often we don’t realise the danger we’re in.

Speak to Women’s Aid ASAP. Keep a record of every interaction you have with him, good or bad. A diary should help you to recognise the patterns.

Please don’t be afraid to speak to the police. You can also dial 101 and ask for the Domestic Abuse team who aren’t officers, but can guide you towards the help you need.

Your GP will be able to help you as well, including recording injuries.

Nobody is going to call you stupid. This isn’t your fault. Your partner is the abuser. He’s the one who’s been holding you by the neck, bashing you, holding you over a cliff. Leaving is the most dangerous time, and you will really benefit by getting support to get you to a safe place. Please don’t do it alone. Your partner sounds very, very dangerous.

If your mobile phone is safe to use, that’s great. If not, get a cheap PAYGO which is safe to make calls from.

You’re not going mad. You’re being abused. Please keep posting here and please reach out in real life. There’s a lot of help out there.

[Wateringcan]

The moment he called you those names.. it was abuse.. it was bad enough.
Get help and get out x*x

[Hawthorn]

You are not stupid, you are very brave to have reached out here. He is subjecting you to horrendous abuse. The isolation of abuse feels all consuming, it is no accident that he has you living far away from friends and family. You are not alone. There are so many people who will believe and support you. Please try to tell someone loyal to you; a family member, a friend, your GP, anyone. If you can do reach out to womens aid, they wont pressure you to do anything. It will be the best call you ever make.

This situation is not your fault. I’ve been there, in that darkness. Life is not to be endured but enjoyed and you deserve so much better. Keep reaching out, you need and deserve support xx

[Empoweredhealing]

It’s probably worse than you are able to process right now. In trauma, our minds dissociate and compartmentalize as a survival mechanism. So a lot of the pain and horror is locked away from our consciousness. Only after getting away from the chaos/in a safe place will your mind start unlocking some of these things. Thats why months later, I’m still uncovering memories of abuse that mush have been locked way to protect my sanity.
Please trust your intuition and perception because they are trying to save you. What you described is severe physical and mental abuse.

[Lisa]

Hi Appletango03,

Welcome to the forum and thank you for posting. It must have taken a lot of courage to reach out for the first time so well done for taking the first step. It is great to see you have already had replies so I hope you find the forum a supportive place to be.

I am so sorry to hear of the abuse you are experiencing from your partner. You have described different types of abuse and a high level of risk to your safety. There is support available for you for when you are ready.

Your local support group can offer ongoing emotional and practical support including help with a safety plan. You can find your local support here.

The 24hr National Domestic Abuse Helpline is available on 0808 2000 247 to discuss your options. There is a voicemail service to request a call back at a safe and convenient time if you are unable to get through straight away.

You could also chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service (weekdays 10am – 4pm and 10am – 12pm weekends). They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you including searching for a refuge space. You can access the chat service here.

You deserve to be treated so much better without fear and abuse so please do reach out for further support when you can. You could also speak to your GP and log the abuse. Any time you feel threatened or at risk of abuse then please call 999 for police protection.

Do keep posting to let us know how you’re getting on.

Best wishes,

Lisa

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