I resisted a Hoover!!

[Alicenotichains]

Well clarity seems to have returned. After receiving some really quite sad and begging messages on a social media site from my ex, which as I mentioned activated some weird sense of longing and feelings of total confusion , I fell off the No Contact waggon and tried to explain to him that it’s over but I don’t want him to be sad and that I am sad too.
Big mistake. The I love you’s kept coming thick and fast but I did not give in however my mind felt completely frazzled and I felt like I couldn’t take much more.
Then yesterday he went on this social media site and left abusive comments about me on public posts that I had commented on.
So the “I love you more than anyone ever” seems to have been fairly short lived for him. There was no sign of this love in any of these messages 🙂 I don’t think I would speak to an enemy like that let alone my “soul mate”….
I have deactivated my account and blocked him but I am so glad that the last thing I heard from him was vile- straight outta the mouth of Mr Hyde. He packed several expletive insults into one sentence. Spell Broken. Clarity and reality are back in the room. Phew that was pretty close I could feel myself getting charmed back into the black hole of hot and cold, nice and nasty. I need my guard up higher in future.
I feel relieved today that there is no way he can contact me.
I also went to dr’s this week and got some meds for PTSD to hopefully stop the tide of intrusive thinking which is making life hard at the moment.

I am so relieved. I thought he had me back in his power for a moment last week . X

[SunshineRainflower]

Well done Alice, you were really strong and did the absolute right thing! Hoovering is so hard to deal with especially as we are feeling lonely, broken, lost, sad, vulnerable after a breakup combined with abuse, they get us at our worst moments and they know exactly what to say to reel us back in. It’s bait and switch and they are brilliant at it.

I am a strong advocate of ‘no contact’ having seen the noticeable positive effect it has had on me. I was mostly no contact apart from checking his social media and found it was still upsetting me, so since stopping that I feel a lot better. I feel like finally the cognitive dissonance and fog is clearing and that I can see him a little bit more clearly for who he is each day, which is a wonderful feeling.

Reward yourself for resisting and celebrate this weekend. Then keep up no contact, I kept a tally of the days at first and it seemed to help. 🙂

Also write down all of the abuse is you haven’t already, this is a great anchoring tool back to reality for those times when the fog returns temporarily.

[Alicenotichains]

Thank you. The nasty message has got rid of the longing and confusion that his nice messages triggered but I am feeling quite jumpy that he is going to turn up with nasty intentions. I came home from a meal out with a friend last night and my back door was wide open. It I was late at night and I had been at work all day. I almost had a heart attack. I locked myself in my car and dialled 999. The police came and looked round- there was no sign of anyone having been there and they said I must have left the door open myself but they said I did the right thing to call them. I am on edge. I don’t think he would be stupid enough to come here but when he is in a rage he is very impulsive. I am not living in fear I am just being vigilant. The message he posted yesterday was so full of hate. X

[Serenity]

They try to get close enough so they can slap you all over again. They will never change.

Take this as certain proof of that.

Don’t be hard on yourself. We are compassionate people and these abusers have a way of making us wonder if we were imagining how bad they actually were- but reality soon hits us in the face when no contact is broken.

I read an article today which said that we get involved with these abusers because we can see the ‘bruised little bit beneath the monster.’ They can try to extract pity, Hoover us up with flowery words, play the self-pity card, but the fact is that they are actual monsters. At some point, they became so, and our only chance of freedom and happiness is to stay well away and not let them anywhere near.

[Ayanna]

Well done for escaping the temptation!

[Author]

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