I saw him and don’t know how to feel

[LittleBritishPhoenix]

I ran into him by total chance. Outside a busy supermarket I looked up and he was a little Way in front of me. Our eyes locked and we just stared at each other for a moment.

I think I was in total shock as I just broke the stare and calmly got into my friends car. He looked as stunned as I did.
He was with the new wife and child. She looks almost ill and he has fattened up a bit. His wife didn’t see me.

Think I’m in shock. I don’t even know how to feel or what I feel or anything. But I can’t get it out of my mind.

[iwillbeok]

Hi LittleBritishPheonix,

Hugs for you – that must have been quite a shock! I passed mine (in our cars) near our local supermarket a while ago, thankfully I recognised his car and just ignored (it really hurt later pretending I hadn’t seen my kids later when my son asked if I had seen them) – no change in expression, no eye contact. I am dreading the first time we see each other again… it’s hard enough when he collects the kids from nearby!

Take care of yourself,
x

[Twisted Sister]

hey there pheonix

i think it would take me a very long time to remove that image /shock from my mind and i would also never go back to that place again… you have come such a long way and with still a lot going on i reckon its a normal reaction, don’t you?

do some extra lovely things for yourself and your LO, some treats and fun times, focus on the good to at least try to get some of the balance back for yourself.

warmest wishes xxxKS

[LittleBritishPhoenix]

It was strange as it was off the back of a nice couple of days back in my hometown for a special occasion. We stopped at a midway supermarket on the way home and there he was.

So I’d had a really, really lovely time. And then I run into him. Tonight I’m enjoying the safety and sanctuary of my own home with all my creature comforts (and ice-cream) and trying my best not to overthink seeing him. I’m still so unsure how I feel?

Thank you both for your replies <3

[Twisted Sister]

ooo ice-cream, on a rainy night (well it is here anyway)! I think its hard not to [overthink seeing him] but anything absorbing you can manage might help? I know even if i avoid and distract, etc, it will still come back at night in sleep i mean. id want to take sleeping tabs or something to up the relaxation anxiety-wise? if you have beta-blockers or valium type thing?

[LittleBritishPhoenix]

Was rainy here too, you can’t beat ice cream on a rainy night!

I’m on mirtazapine for ptsd so at least I slept. i feel a bit funny today, you’re absolutely right about the overthinking thing. It helps to know how other people (you) would react and feel in the same situation xx

[Nova]

Hiya just to say…good on you for getting through that face to face, ( I’d be a blithering wreck!) and keep eating nice ices! LOL

Hugs Cx

[LittleBritishPhoenix]

Thank you Cuppa – sorry for the late reply!

I keep going over it in my head, I keep seeing him everytime I close my eyes. Keep having dreams about him and very much reliving everything that’s happened between us – good and bad. I don’t know what’s worse really, the good or the bad!!

Found myself second guessing and wondering if he really has changed. Seeing him with his wife and child really shook me I think. But the police have told me she appears pliable, placid, I’ve heard from friends of his family that she very much does as she is told by him and never stands up to him – that he doesn’t need to try so hard with her. Not like he did with me.
Seeing her reminded me of a time when I was her. Going to the shops, walking ahead of him, times that appear totally normal and not in the least controlling to an outsider. And that’s what I saw wasn’t it. I mean, even if she did want to leave where would she have gone. I remember that so well, going into the shops with him and having a flash thought about running away but then being too scared because I knew I had nowhere else to go, I’d have to go home with him. To him. There was never any other option.

I think that’s what I saw isn’t it?

[Author]

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