Still think that it were me and my fault he were abusive and that hes ok with others just me…. silly thing is I’ve evidence to see hes nasty even with his own mother and his last ex partner I keep thinking maybe hes changed for this current partner. X
Try to fast forward to facts when you doubt yourself. It wasn’t you. Write a list of the facts to look at when you doubt yourself. He’s responsible for his own behaviour and if you carry the guilt then he won’t have to. Remember he knows you well and knows how to mess with your head. Toxic. Absolutely zero contact and that includes gossip from other people.
Blaming ourself is very common and keeps people in these types of relationships for years, decades, lifetimes. This is part of gaslighting.
My ex was the only person I have ever met who was never take responsibility for anything that he does. So unfortunately, you taking the responsibility makes you very human. It’s abuser that’s dysfunctional.
But don’t let this false belief keep you trapped and in pain (even in your own mind).