I stayed?

[Sunflowersunshine]

I was talking about types of abuse in an unrelated conversation to a family member. And she said it wasn’t abuse if you chose to stay. It wwas bad and controlling. I explained my last relationship was highly abusive but he never hit me. And she said well you can’t prove the other stuff. You stayed. It was controlling but you can’t choose to be abused.

Just because sexual coercion, financial abuse and psychological abuse- heavy gaslighting isn’t easy to provd doesn’t make it a choice. Does it?

[Grey Rock]

Most people just have no idea Lovely.
If it wasn’t for Women’s Aid and the police referring me there I suspect I’d have continued to think the same thing,even though I was a victim of it.

In the end I only spoke about it with people who were equipped for understanding and compassion. People can be in different places in our circle of trust for different things.

Take care. Sending prayers and hugs.

GR x

[Sunflowersunshine]

That makes sense. Thank you.

[nbumblebee]

This is why ive never told anyone outside apart from my pt instructor who undersood at first but now who just cant see why i cant leave.
I still cant accept the word abuse so i dont expect anyone who hasnt been through it too.
I believe people think our other halves can change if we talk to them if we tell them how we feel like in a “normal” relationship. If you are unhappy then you sit down you talk about it and you work it out. The thought of doing that with my husband just makes me sick then laugh as i know how that converstaion will end up and i can imagine alot of you can too.
I guess those who have never experienced it cant understand it. Dont let them get to you its not their fault they dont understand.
Its so hidden we hide it so well its hard for anyone to get it unless youve been there.
I choose to stay because I have nothing else no where else this is my life, i dont choose to be treated badly I dont choose his moods etc he can stop at any point but I choose to stay becuase he has made me believe I have no other choice.

[Wants To Help]

Hi sunflowersunshine,

This family member clearly has no idea what they are talking about!!

You could perhaps give them a scenario of ‘If you burn your hand on the cooker but didn’t go to hospital does that mean your hand is not burned?’ Just because they may choose not to get it treated doesn’t mean it isn’t burned!!

You could respectfully suggest that this family member read up on domestic abuse if they want to feel qualified to give advice on it, otherwise, they need to keep quiet. 🙂

[Author]

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