This topic contains 5 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  Butterflyblue 5 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #87625

    Just wondered if anyone else feels like I do or if I am just being ridiculous. I have been split from my ex for (detail removed by moderator) but we have children together so its not as easy to get him out of my life. Recently he has moved in with a new woman and the messages he sent me and the abuse seemed to spiral. He sent me over 100 messages in one month. I felt suffocated and it was really getting me down. Then, all of a sudden nothing…. not a single message…..not a single call…..not a message passed on through our kids…..nothing.

    I should be over the moon right? This is what I wanted…. this is what I was begging for….I feel like its bothering me more than the constant harassment. I cant understand it. Why the sudden silence? Is he up to something? Should I be worried? I feel more jumpy its like a scary film. I feel like something is going to jump out at me just not sure when. Am I being crazy?

  • #87628

    Hi. I can well imagine that you must feel so tense about his silence. They are like snakes hiding in the grass aren’t they. It feels like the most dangerous times are when we can’t see them.

    I’m guessing that whilst he was in the first ‘lovebombing’ stage with the new victim he needed someone to abuse to keep that part of himself appeased, and so you got all that. Now, maybe he’s onto the next stage of devaluing her, so he’s getting that need filled.

    I hope he leaves you be now, and that’s the end of it for you.

  • #87631

    In my experience they don’t change. Just change tactics. Concentrate on you and your children. Take this opportunity to enjoy the peace. Regroup and put boundaries in place. No more suffocating behaviour. Get something in place now like an email address only for contact regarding the children.

  • #87640

    That’s a good suggestion from KIP. Set boundaries now while his attention is elsewhere. Limit contact to email only. Then when his focus flips back to you, and it will as they don’t change, the boundary you set will be there and established.

  • #87665

    thank you all that’s all really good advice. I am trying to enjoy the peace. I hope he isn’t starting his games on his new girlfriend even though I don’t know her! I think setting boundaries is a great idea. Thanks. Time to get some things in order!

  • #87868

    I know how you feel, I felt exactly the same when the no contact was working. At first I was jumpy like you, wondering what he was up to and then soon after that I almost felt a loss, it was like he really must not care at all now. At least when he was angry he was bothered about me!? Horrible.

    I’ve just had a couple of data of major self doubt and thankfully a friend reminded me for the 100th time of all the bad times!

    Be strong and enjoy being you xx

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