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For some stupid reason, I checked my ex’s FB page and he has a picture of him next to a baby and it is FREAKING ME OUT! We almost had a child together and so to see him next to a child that could have been ours is messing with my head. I am shaking as I write this. I feel like I need to vomit. I don’t know what to do with myself.
I am panicking because I am worried for the child because if he is his, I know he will have an awful, probably violent, father. I am worried for the mother because she is now trapped in an abusive relationship with him forever. I am sad because I didn’t get to have that life with him (even though I know it would have been a miserable one). I am angry at myself for hiding for so long when it seems that he has been getting on with his life. I am a bit creeped out because it seems he had a replacement me, I’m black and he’s white and if the kid is his then he’s with another black woman, also he never had a black gf before me. I’m furious because the mother might be someone he cheated on me with. Also, I’m annoyed because it’s none of my business what he does and I shouldn’t have looked at his fb knowing full well that I would be upset/freaked out/scared.
So many emotions and a lot of nausea. It might not even be his kid. It could be a friend’s kid. But why would he make it his feature image? Also, it says he’s still single. Why do I still care? Why am I panicking? It’s none of my business. It shouldn’t affect me.
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Hi Tiredone
Cut total contact with him. That means social media too. Block, delete his contact. He could very well mess with your head but most probably not. Mine did this with me triangulating with his ex. Terrible.
It all doesn’t matter anymore, this drama should not be in your life anymore, it is his own life. Keep his toxicity away from your life to be able to move on. You can not live on what if’s…what if he has a baby, wife and he abuses them.
As KIP said what you can do is report him, this way he would be on the police’s report and his new wife can look him up when time comes under Clare’s law.
Breathe in deeply and distract yourself with something positive, it is important you recharge and keep your health up.
Take good care of yourself tonight.
Sending you hugs 💞 -
This is exactly why I don’t like or use fb – my friend had to come off it as it was seriously effecting her mental health, she struggles with a superior / inferiority complex and when on fb she constantly felt inferior and left out so it only got worse, she’s fine again now since she’s not looked at it for a few years.
Fb is a ‘snap shot’ and does not tell us anything about this persons life really. It is an image that the person wants us to see, wants to project into the world that says look how great my life is, look how much fun I’m having, look what party I’ve been to, look where I went on holiday, look the party is happening right here and you were not invited – personally I think it’s dreadful.
You know the back story, you know she is experiencing exactly the same relationship as you did, ‘if’ this is his baby, might be a friends or a relatives too of course. Even if it is, you are not responsible and cant do anything about it, except look the other way and focus on you, your healing and getting the life you want hun.
You’ve let him in today and have paid the price, I’d try to use this as a lesson learnt – don’t let him in flower x
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Its not surprising you are shocked by this. Please realise though that his fb page is his show window, which he hopes you are following so he can maximise his harm, its pathetic as its all he has left.
All you need to know is that hes still desperate to cause harm, block him, and dont ever look again. His life doesnt matter at all.
He will be very happy if he thinks hes still having an effect on you, its so sick isnt it.
Like you say, it may be nothing to do with him, but he knows you wanted to have children.
I hope posting and receiving some thoughts to consider has been helpful.
Warmest wishes
TS
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Thank you all for responding. I told my partner about what I did and he had the same advice. He was also disappointed and I feel even worse. He doesn’t deserve to feel inferior to my ex. And I don’t want him to feel like I’m interested in getting back with my ex either.
I thought I had cut contact with him because we haven’t spoken for so long but no contact means don’t use my work’s FB to check his FB (I’ve blocked him on my accounts). Maybe I need to block him on the work accounts too. I thought I had gone years without out any contact but it’s actually hours.
It probably is his child. God help that baby and mother. They will have a lifetime of suffering. I did report him to the police but he doesn’t live in UK anymore so his record won’t follow him. He’s free to abuse whomever he wishes.
Luckily today was super busy at work so I couldn’t focus on him. The nauseous is subsiding and the shakes have gone. I hate that I’m still terrified of him.
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Hi Tiredone, I have deactivated my fb account for this reason. I’ll be honest though I sometimes open it again just to check and if nothing has changed it will ease my anxiety. I don’t do it often but now after reading the effect this has had on you, I won’t at all. We are only human and as others have said zero contact must be best as I have no doubt that this has unfortunately triggered you. Try not to be too hard on yourself, it was a mistake that won’t happen again. It’s sounds like you have a new partner so try and do something nice with him to remind yourself you are safe now and you have good things around you. Sending love that this does not affect you for too long xx
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It happened again. My ex definitely has a child and it’s sent me through a loop.
I was making a Whatsapp group to organise my fiancé’s (detail removed by moderator) and was scrolling through my contacts and he popped up. He changed his profile pic to his kid and I feel sick. My heart is racing and I’m shaking.
I have blocked him but kept our conversation because he admits to beating me in it so I wanted to keep it as evidence in case the police would ever do something. Our conversation is archived so I don’t see it.
What makes it worse is that I had a nightmare about him last night so was already feeling shaky today. I am so annoyed and upset because I was so well. No nightmares, no flashbacks, no panic attacks for ages. I had worked do hard in trauma therapy to feel better about the relationship (you never really get over it, do you?) and it feels like it’s all for nothing.
All the things I’ve learned and have gone through the window and all I want to do is throw up and cry.
I don’t know why I still feel weird. I am getting married (detail removed by moderator), my fiancé is wonderful, and I have been thinking how lucky I am to not be in lockdown with my ex. It would have been utter hell and I would be black and blue if I made it to the end of it.
Why does he still have an affect on me? Why am I still scared of him? I thought my PTSD had gone but clearly it’s still there.
I hate this so much.
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I can relate to this so so much. I can’t go into detail but each point you make mirrors mine.
I’m married now and he still tries to get back into my life.
We need to keep no contact for OURSELVES and our peace of mind.It’s very very difficult and yes i do get upset when I see him with his new family whilst he nearly destroyed mine to the point of suicide.
I’m here if you need to chat more, you aren’t alone in this x
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Feel less sick now but the nausea has been replaced with high anxiety. Been driving myself crazy trying not to go back and look at his profile pic.
I feel like I am being dishonest with my fiancé by not telling him why I’ve been weird all week but I don’t want to upset him or ruin his birthday or make him feel like I want anything to do with my ex. He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I would hate to upset him, especially over something so stupid and pointless.
Heart is racing again.
When does this torment end?
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