16th November 2021 at 9:49 am #1340884nonym0usParticipant
I’ve been with my partner for (detail removed by moderator) and the first year was amazing… We moved in together during Covid and things stayed lovely for a while.
It all began slowly with him shouting at me in front of our flatmate if I was being “annoying”. Then he started telling me that he doesn’t know if he loves me and the next day he’d tell me he loved me more than anything in the world. He told me one day he didn’t respect me and thought he was better than me then took it all back the next day. If I cry he will stop shouting or name calling and at times will even be sexually aroused. A few months ago we (detail removed by moderator) and he spent the (detail removed by moderator) journey whispering repeatedly in my ear what a “little c*nt” I was. I tried to sleep on the sofa but he wouldn’t leave me alone until I got into our bed. I spoke to my friend about it this week and she told me it sounds like I am being emotionally abused. I made a list of all the things he has said to me and what he has done and now I think that he is emotionally abusing me as well. He told me he “doesn’t fancy me” yet wants to have sex daily. He told me I’m an “embarrassment” and a “liability” on (detail removed by moderator) but promised me the next day he didn’t mean it and would never say anything horrible again. He can spend hours ignoring my questions if I ask him for some reassurance that he loves me – completely stonewalling me. He has told me that he hates my friends and will be so nasty if I go to see them that it doesn’t even feel worth it. He has told me that he hates me so many times and that he sees no future with me but when I try to leave him he takes it all back and I always stay. He has also told me he doesn’t want me drinking alcohol anymore. He broke up with me on (detail removed by moderator) after going through my phone and finding messages from before I met him about going out with friends. I felt completely alone and devastated and then he took it back the next day which just made me feel more reliant on him. I feel like I’m losing myself and I don’t know what to do. Is he emotionally abusing me? He can also be so so loving and kind and this is what confuses me.
16th November 2021 at 10:09 am #134090EyesopeningParticipant
Hi, welcome, I’m sorry this sounds tough.
My first post here was a monumental moment in my life. I didn’t realize at the time. But it’s a bit step on your journey. You will find great advice and support here from people who have been where you are, and people who are going through the same thing.
My first post was back in March, it was instrumental in my journal of realization that I was in an abusive relationship. I think we know that we are unhappy in a relationship and something is not right. But because abuse in its nature is designed to confuse us, we need that support and knowledge to understand it, see it for what it is, and ultimately get out.
He sounds very cruel and abusive.
The fact you are confused is a tell tell sign your being abused.
He is causing great confusion by saying things then taking them back. He wants you to be confused, to better control you. He wants you to doubt your reality. He wants to be the center of your world and distance you from your support network by getting angry if you spent time with friends and family.
A great start is to get chatting with WA on here. Find you local DA (domestic abuse) service, WA can tell you who, and also chat with them.
Read up about abuse, watch Dr Ramani on Youtube. The more you learn, the more power you will have.
Keep posting x*x
16th November 2021 at 11:43 am #134095KIP.Participant
Abusers destroy our self esteem and confidence. It’s how you dominate someone. He’s sounds really abusive. Read Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven. Living with my abuser made me think I’m was going crazy. The push and pull. The gaslighting. The cycle of abuse. Talk to your local women’s aid and make a safe exit plan from this relationship. Abusers are dangerous when we try to end a relationship so be very careful. There’s no point in discussing his behaviour because he will lie, deny, blame, point the spotlight at you. Try writing a journal of all his behaviour past and present. Slowly you will see a pattern emerge. The bus incident alone is enough to get out of this relationship. Abuse is insidious, creeping up slowly on us, it almost becomes normal to us. Ring the national domestic abuse helpline for a chat to some lovely ladies who will help focus your mind.
22nd November 2021 at 7:10 am #134431ChickadeeParticipant
Emotional and Psychological Abuse. But first and foremost, this is just not a healthy relationship!
Blessings 🙂 Chickadee
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