I think he’s left

[Chocolatebunnie]

His belongings are still here

But he’s left, don’t know where or when he will be back, this makes me nervous.

he blames me and blames it on my unstable emotions, my hormones my cycle.

Said he’s hurt, it’s been planned he should’ve been talked to that I felt this way, it’s out of the blue. He says, I’ve got it all worked out (I definitely don’t)

He claimed there’s nothing wrong just normal relationship problems

It works, makes you doubt yourself

It’s another step forward

[Twisted Sister]

Hi

If he hasn’t ‘got it’ by now, he’s never going to is he! and you will be wasting your energy to try to explain anymore, or say it any other way to ‘help him understand’. you just won’t, and he’s seen the effects of his behaviour on you, over and over again. There is nothing more you can do or say, he’s never going to get it.

You know he’s talking rubbish, and has a deliberately different view of it to you, because if he was to accept your view of it (which he knows is true) he has to accept who he is, and what he does. You know all this, but he’s never going to show you that.

I hope you can rest tonight, and that he doesn’t come back tonight and stays away to give you some peace for once.

warmest wishes

ts

[Chocolatebunnie]

Thanks ts you’re absolutely right I just want to shout at him or make him see sense somehow, why does it have to be like this? If he could only see what he does, don’t get me wrong I do know now and will have to except it is who he is but it’s heartbreaking 💔

He didn’t come back last night but did this morning he’s taken (detail removed by Moderator) out, he didn’t ask just said that’s what was happening.

He let himself in and has his keys. He’s packing a few bits here and there. I even looked to see if he’s taken off his ring. Stupid I know.

I’ve been so strong until now but hurting so badly today. It’s hard not to give in but I can’t do that. Putting my children first and they deserve to be free of this.

Got to try to keep busy and keep moving forward.

👍💕

[Twisted Sister]

yes, I bet you do, but it would be self-harm, like throwing yourself repeatedly at a brick wall.

Nevertheless, and regardless of whatever else, of course, it hurts, and I am sorry that he wasn’t the person you thought he was and that he has stolen your hopes and dreams from you for ahappy and healthy loving family unit, one without abuse.

We’re here for you, and the pain will ease. Try to look after yourself and prioritise your needs.

Are the children safe with him? Especially now he is seperating? He might not be, it might all just be a ruse to cause you pain and punish you. I don’t say this to give you hope that its not over, just that you know who he is and this could be a part of it.

Above everything, you, and your children, must be safe.

warmest wishes

ts

[Anonymous]

The thought of being scared of when he’ll be back to get his stuff isn’t a part of normal relationship problems, your scared of him for a reason, they take no responsibility for the hell they cause us and have the preference of blaming us for the abuse of us (don’t buy into it) their intentional antagonisations, mind games, and out of the blue rages are the cause for our very normal responses and the affect it’s had on our limbic system and ptsd we’re left with, I think you should put his things outside (he could be leaving them there as a way to come back or to intentionally put you on edge) if there’s any way you can get them back to him or even get someone else to get them back to him then that would be a way to stop you feeling on pins, but he’s trying to minimise everything and carry on the gaslighting, abuse is not normal relationship issues and you are seeing it 🧡💕🧡

[Chocolatebunnie]

Thanks for your replies, what you’ve written has made a lot of sense and very supportive, really needed this and have been rereading it to let all sink in 💕

He’s been keeping contact with younger kids, been back and forth, helped out with looking after them but barely speaking to the older kids.

It’s hurting the older kids being almost ignored. The younger kids being spoilt rotten. I am thinking this needs to stop as it’s hurting the older children. They have no time left for him anymore.

Older kids wanted him to leave guess he probably sensed this, and why he’s not being particularly friendly with them, they see through him and are incredibly supportive to the point if I might cave in at anytime they will be there to stop this. The older kids use the word ‘abuse’ regularly now, we all see what’s happening.

When he’s around he is almost nice to me but any sign of me softening he turns back to being offhand. This worked last time as he was giving me a glimpse of mr nice then taking it back and I caved in wanting mr nice, but I know it’s him playing games this time.

I know I will get there eventually it’s just incredibly hard and painful. I’m positive I am trauma bonded and am liking him being around I haven’t quite let go, must find it in me to be firm with how much contact there is.

Thanks again CB 💕

[Bananaboat]

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I had exactly this behaviour, the coming and going as he pleased, treating younger and older kids differently, blanking the eldest, talking of leaving, being nice one minute – expect nasty too if you’ve not had it yet. As others have said this is all to keep you on your toes and intimidate. I know you’ve had this said to you before but he’s unlikely to leave off his own back, he’ll probably say just enough to make you think he is then if you ask about it or try to discuss timescales is when he’ll turn nasty. Don’t underestimate the damage this is having on the older kids and with school holidays approaching look after yourselves. x

[Hereforhelp]

I also had this from my husband… when our eldest decided enough was enough her dad then focused on our youngest, even buying obviously more expensive gifts for one child. He basically rewarded our youngest for seeing him. Once i realised that I put a stop as his dad was grooming our youngest and punishing our eldest… really sick.
It is so unfair that you are going through this CB, sending virtual hugs 🤗❤

[Author]

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