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    • #121653
      Neueranfang
      Participant

      About (detail removed by Moderator) ago my partner/Ex attacked me and the neighbours called police, I had to talk to social services regarding the kids etc.That was the last straw and I asked my partner to move out of my flat ever since.However he ignored it and when I told him to go he would kick off. (detail removed by Moderator) he decided to attack me again and I called the police.He ran off like a coward as usual but he later returned keys and his mum picked up all his stuff.For the first time in (detail removed by Moderator) I think this might be the end of it.I know that I won’t give him another chance and I’ve got an appointment with police (detail removed by Moderator) to give a full statement.I’m so so drained and I just hope we can find peace now.

    • #121657
      KIP.
      Participant

      You won’t find peace as long as he’s in your life. Change the locks in case he’s copied the keys. Make a full report to the police of all his behaviour and ask for bail conditions to keep him away. This is your chance for help and some protection.

    • #121661
      Neueranfang
      Participant

      Thanks a lot for your quick reply.I don’t know where to start with the report as I was with him for (detail removed by Moderator).I did report him before and he had to go to probation but didn’t keep up with it and I stupidly took him back as he manipulated me through the kids but this time it was the final straw.I’m not facilitating him seeing the kids.I am happy to drop them round his mum’s so he can see them there but I don’t want any contact.Even his mum advised me (detail removed by Moderator) to get an order so he can’t come near me.He had so many chances and I’m still sad but not for him or because I love him just because of what we could have been.(detail removed by Moderator) of my life wasted.How long does it take to heal from an abusive relationship if I will ever be able to heal….

    • #121664
      Hetty
      Participant

      I wish there was an easy answer about how long it will take to heal. I found that I had done a lot of grieving when I was in the relationship so when I left I felt I had dealt with some of the emotions and letting go already. What I’ve found helpful is to read and listen to YouTube videos etc about domestic abuse. Knowledge is power and it’ll can help keep you focused on moving forward with your life. Surround yourself with support where you can. Whether that be counselling, support at work, friends etc. I haven’t accessed counselling myself yet but I will in time.
      Try not to think about what/ he could have been. That person doesn’t exist. It’s fantasy. He is who he is. An abuser, through choices he has made.
      Xx

    • #121707
      Neueranfang
      Participant

      Thanks for your lovely replies x*x
      I had also done a lot of the grieving when I was still with him and I have been dreaming of a life away from him for a very long time.The attack (detail removed by Moderator) ago was the final straw and I begged him every day to leave ever since.However he decided to ignore me and attacked me again (detail removed by Moderator) but he is gone now.His stuff was packed up forever and his mum collected it (detail removed by Moderator) and keys have been returned.(detail removed by Moderator) of abuse hopefully over.Police came to visit me (detail removed by Moderator) to take a statement about what happened (detail removed by Moderator) and I told them everything.They want to arrest him if they can find him and as this wasn’t the first reported attack…things are not looking great for him.He keeps texting me and ringing me but I’m ignoring it.He thinks he is the victim and reckons I’m pregnant with someone else’s baby because apparently I got so fat and I must have something going on with a colleague.His assumptions are out of this world and I never stood a chance with the things going on in his messed up abuser head.He is so convinced that his little theories are true when it is all nonsense.My reality and his reality are worlds apart.

    • #121712
      KIP.
      Participant

      It sounds like you’re so much stronger. Can you change your phone number? Or block his number? Please report any contact to the police as it’s harassment and they can add that. He only has himself to blame. He’s had chance after chance. And yes they are delusional in their accusations.

    • #121715
      Hetty
      Participant

      Ignore ignore ignore. With any luck he’ll quickly get the message and move on. It’s so hard processing. Be your own best friend and take good care of yourself. You’ll no doubt experience a range of emotions. It’s all fine and normal and you will be fine. I thought I was going to have a breakdown over Christmas but here I am feeling so much better. Dark days pass and remember nothing is worse than living a lifetime of being abused xx

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