I think I found drugs

[Ariel]

I found a small packet of white powder. I’ve never actually seen coke or other types of drugs before so I can’t be sure.
I asked my sons who are grown and they said it’s not there’s “I’ve never had suspicions of them taking drugs” anyway and they have said from the beginning that my partner takes it.
I’ve asked my partner before and he swears he doesn’t take it apart from occasion that he came clean about.
I want to get the bag tested but how would I do that? And then what if he just lies saying it’s not his.

[Bananaboat]

He will lie. The drugs themselves and the denial are red flags. My ex denied using for years, then it became he only used on ‘sessions’, then it became he’d used for decades and I couldn’t say it was an issue as he’d done it our whole relationship and ‘you knew’, (no I had no clue how heavy a user you were or you’d have been gone day one) turns out he was spending thousands on drugs every year whilst I got into debt over standard bills because I didn’t know. The other thing to watch is using the drugs as an excuse for any outbursts or abuse, don’t fall for that excuse. He’ll probably try blame your sons too, subtlety to plant doubt. You could take it to the police station. Trust your gut with this x

[Pureheart]

You could keep it somewhere out very safe. But keep a close watch on your partner to see if there’s any sign of drugs in his behavior or finances. And keep a close look on how he’s behaving after the recent event of the drug you found

[Twisted Sister]

Hi Ariel

I think you know your suspicions are well founded, inside you just know, and you need to trust yourself here.

He’s the one that continually tries to make you doubt your mind, this is gaslighting.

Now that you have drugs in your possession, take them to the police, so they can’t fall into anyone else’s hands. Its up to them to act or not, but at least if you hand them to the police he can’t implicate you in any of it. I can’t think of anything else that a small bag of white powder could be.

You hang onto your truth

warmest wishes

ts

[Ariel]

That’s the thing sometimes he runs out of money and I have to help him. (Detail removed by Moderator). He’s recently started giving me some in bits and bobs. He says that child maintenance have cleared him or a certain insurance was high for whatever reason.
So there is always signs but he swore once when I asked him outright. Plus (detail removed by Moderator) I asked him if he took any sort of drugs and he said no way. I believed him.. then it turned out he did it on a night out but apparently it was a one off.

[Ariel]

I don’t know how to confront him about it. Shall I just say look what I found where you were laying all day or do I put it back and see if he picks it up and says nothing. Or just ask him outright…. Is this yours?

[Twisted Sister]

Hi

I’m not sure why you would want to speak with him or confront him about it? You know he will not tell you the truth, and you have previous experience of this too.

Take it out of the house, so it can’t fall into the children’s hands or anyone else and you can’t be implicated. Ask the police what it is, not him.

What will it achieve if you confront him, do you think? Do you wonder if he will stop lying to you? Put on the spot,I’d say he wouldn’t, but you know him best, maybe he will be honest with you?

warmest wishes

ts

[Chocolatebunnie]

Everyone has given great responses, having lived this for over two decades i will say if you can get out do it now.

You’ve found drugs, he’s not being open or honest, so basically covering up and dishonest. It’s like cheating but with a drug. It will leave you miserable and the trust is now broken.

You will have money issues, he may disappear for a night and I worry what my husband is up to when he’s in a state, can I trust him, probably no.

Does he stay out all night, as this is another sign and an issue in my relationship as kids wonder where dad is and so do I it’s horrible waking up wondering where they are. For me it’s now rare but every now and again it will happen and I hate it. It used to be every weekend

Then there’s the mood swings, but will never admit it’s the come down.

I honestly hope you don’t experience this, please don’t put up or listen to his excuses I have and it’s taken it’s toll on me. Don’t put yourself to through it.

I don’t want to be negative or make you feel bad, but if I could’ve told myself this years ago I would’ve walked away.

Take care of yourself and stay strong, trust you gut feeling xx

[Bananaboat]

Good advice. Signs of using coke that I experienced were huge pupils, non-stop chattering about nothing / not listening or letting others speak, mouth gurning or chewing corners of his mouth, skipping meals, lies about not having money for bills/food, the come down the day after making him miserable & sleeping for hours then the cravings & lies again on day 2/3. It affects their sex life too. It’s definitely no way to live.

As TS said, why confront him? He’ll only lie, say it was a mates or he found it, or it was a one-off again. Fact is your morals and personal boundaries are no drugs and he’s pushing/breaking that and you’re the one being made to feel bad about it. It’s hard I know x

[Ariel]

Thankyou so much, it’s literally one thing after another lately.

[Freeforever]

I have just left my partner for this reason drugs have ruined my family! I have tried to help him support him but nothing works drugs always wins! It’s a selfish addiction.. I went to work every day while he slept off his session ! I hate it it’s scummy dark life to live. I left for my daughter who was also seeing the effects it has. He will lie to you trust me there very good at it! Make you feel like your the one out of order. White power in a bag it certainly coke! Now you’ve asked the kids they now know it’s there father. Kick him out or leave because take it from someone who come out of it worse time of my life ! Good luck x

[Author]

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