Hello Relearningme,
It does sound like intimacy within the relationship is very much on your partners terms and that you are made to feel guilty or hurt by him for withdrawing from intimacy in the relationship. This could certainly be considered sexually coercive.
It’s very understandable that you do not feel inclined to sleep with someone once you’ve recognised abusive and controlling behaviour from them.
It’s really important for many people to feel safe, trust and respect from the person they share intimacy with, and it’s absolutely okay to have boundaries around this.
Take care and keep posting,
Lisa