I thought it was getting better…

[itmustbemesurely]

(Removed by moderator) he said he recognised he had problems, he couldn’t leave the house to pick our daughter up, he had been drinking to self medicated. We talked I said I’d support him but he had to get help, it was tough love I guess as before I had pandered to him, this time I was sharper and said he had to change and get this sorted for the sake of the children. He listened, contacted a counselling service – he agrees it’s the symptoms of bi-polar, he said he would book a Drs appointment, acknowledged that he needed help and that he wanted to get better, we researched what we could do, watched videos of other sufferers he said the symptoms were how he felt. We spent time together as a family. He didn’t call the Drs, it lasted a week as this morning I am to blame. I am to blame because I am so @@@@ negative, that I say it’s him, that I have diagnosed him to deflect from me, I am to blame as if I was different he wouldn’t be like that. I need to get a @@@@@ grip and stop moaning. He was really angry and short fused, rude, arrogant and drove like a maniac. Shouting and being lairy really horrid to me, made me cry – accused me of using his things, moving his things, putting stuff in silly places, breaking things – I have done none of this. Speaking to me like I am stupid, saying I am vain that I don’t give a s”t about him. He won’t call the GP will he…..I have to suck up this abuse now again for the next few days, weeks or months until he crashes again and realises that something is wrong..it isn’t just me honestly, the friend I have spoken to and shown the text messages too was gobsmacked by how up and down he is, gobsmacked too as if I am out he texts and phones me every 15 minutes, checking up on me….but he can do whatever he wants, go whereever he wants, spend whatever he wants….how can I get him the help he needs? I have had a glimmer of normality…even if it was for just five days xxxx

[Malaya]

Oh dear, I feel for you. It’s fairly typical behaviour I’m afraid. They can’t take responsibility for their own actions, it’s always somebody else’s fault. Try as you might, it’s won’t change, it is what is. Can you get help from women’s aid and mental health team?

[Healthyarchive]

Dear Itmustbeme, it might help you to look at some of Escaped Not Free’s posts. Her partner admitted to having MH problems, he started therapy & then it all went pear shaped, her situation reminds me of yours X*X

Blame is big on the Power & Control Wheel, they are fond of blaming you when it is really just a control tactic as it puts you on the back foot.

[itmustbemesurely]

will do thanks Healthyarchive from what I’ve read his mother is a n********t and his dad an enabler most definately it’s so weird reading about it…..not making excuses but it does help clarify things for me

[Healthyarchive]

Its all so complex, you should get the help that you need on here. X*X

[SaharaD]

You need to leave him. this is what abusers do. They promise verbally but their actions speak otherwise.

that’s not hope. That’s the honeymoon period where everything is rosy and than the abusive behaviour starts again.

It is not a mental health problem. I have a mental health problem. I’m up and down but I have learnt through therapy and counselling not to take out my illness on others. So have many in my mental health peer support group. We just walk away or take our medication to calm down AND WE ARE ALL WORKING ON OURSELVES WITH the NHS workers.

See we have no feeling of entitlement or desire to see others as to blame for setting off our illnesses and have no entitlement desire to have power and control over others to make ourselves feel better.

We take responsibility for our illness and the consequences and we apologise. I had an episode at the beginning of summer with my neighbour where I behaved badly. My neighbour apologised and I apologised in writing and now I have to put things in place to make sure I never behave like that again to my neighbour. If I feel in that situation again, I am going to take a taxi to a hotel. I have enough savings for it but it is also why I get PIP for the added cost of dealing with my mental health condition. My other neighbour had a problem with this neighbour but they didn’t behave the way I did and I could see how I was wrong and irrational.

There is no excuse for abuse. Grown adults are responsible for dealing with the consequences of their behaviour alone. No one else can help them. They have to help themselves.

He cries for himself not for what he has done to your and the children. Best to get him out of your life. At the very least then he can focus on himself instead of what you moved or broke in the home.

[itmustbemesurely]

SaharaD I hope I didn’t upset you, I really wasn’t saying that it was because of his mental health he is abusive, I understand that, but part of the problem is that he is ill. He won’t get help, promised me he would (detail removed by moderator) but went drinking instead – drinking from 4pm until midnight, came home falling in woke our son up. Had a dreadful weekend after that, was horrid really nasty (detai removed by moderator). said he couldn’t even look at me, I was a judgemental b***h, vile, nasty, cold hearted, didn’t care about him, have no empathy, that I a toxic – had to sleep on the floor of my daughters room as he didn’t want to be near me. I said he had to leave, said it wasn’t fair on the children, and me, he then said if that’s what I thought life wouldn’t be worth living……threatened suicide….its not fair

[Author]

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