30th December 2015 at 3:19 pm #6792
I want to do it! I want to say those 3 words ! Get me out !!
I’ve spoken today to my idva and she makes life on the other side sound almost within my reach – it can be done, gonna be hell but we can get out !!!
Just need to be brave xx
30th December 2015 at 4:09 pm #6794katieloveParticipant
Of course you can! It is hard to start with as you constantly question whether you have done the right thing or not. However, there isn’t one of us who would say that it is absolutely the right thing. An article by Lundy Bancroft – ‘You are their mother’ was what made me do it. It was like an alarm bell going off:’So when you say to yourself, “I am the children’s mother,” you are making a profound statement that is not about being their biological or legal parent. You are stating how absolutely critical your role is in who they are and who they will become, and how inalienable your right is to guide them and love them. Your children are looking to you.’
I have been away from my ex for about (detail removed by Moderator) months now and I still get very down days BUT I have recently actually started to feel happy every now and then. The after effects may never go away but they do recede with time.
Make sure you are safe. Your IDVA should be able to organise things for you and above all cover your tracks. x
30th December 2015 at 5:25 pm #6797White RoseParticipant
Go for it!!
There’s a list of things I found on line somewhere to consider getting before leaving probably on this site somewhere. Cant remember where I had it from – idva may help.
Don’t forget family photos and previous things you may want too and my advice is photocopy eveything financial you can lay your hands on safely – joint and his as well as your own.
Good luck x*x
30th December 2015 at 5:49 pm #6800
Go for it girl xx get the future you and your daughter deserve xx
30th December 2015 at 6:20 pm #6801Midnight MarblesParticipant
I am over the moon for you!
Your fabulous and really brave. Just three little words and one foot in front of the other and everything else will follow.
Love Midnight xx
30th December 2015 at 7:02 pm #6803DaisyParticipant
Well done moon,
You can do it, reach out and take all the help and support offered and remember we are all here for you, cheering you on,
X x x
30th December 2015 at 7:37 pm #6806
Thank you everyone I think I will need you all.
Am feeling so sick at mo, but also a little bit excited to think that we can have a safe life and be who we want to be.
I’m trying so hard to stay strong. have a million questions going round in my head before I can say those words.
He has always said he will hunt me down if I leave so am not sure if putting us in more danger.
I know my life here but I’ve just got this knot in my stomach I feel like something bad is brewing and I don’t want this time to be IT! and I don’t want to be a Robot or an object anymore.
Do you really think it’s possible to escape and stay alive? X
30th December 2015 at 7:55 pm #6807
Many women survivor and have a better life.
Be open about his threats, don’t feel guilty about speaking out.
We are all rooting for you xx
30th December 2015 at 8:18 pm #6812
Thank you fs
Just want to hear that it’s ok and I’m doing the right thing. I managed to tell my idva some stuff which I’ve never disclosed before today about some of the sexual stuff he has done and made me do !
I just want to be able to completely be honest about our life but I know it will come at a price !
30th December 2015 at 9:22 pm #6825
I can understand your misgivings, I have spoken out about deep dark experiences and am getting support, and I know he will be very angry with me. But for my sanity and freedom I needed to do it, I didn’t mean to at the time I did, it just all fell out of me like a dam broke.
I feel once its out it can’t haunt me anymore xx
30th December 2015 at 10:31 pm #6831Midnight MarblesParticipant
You are definitely doing the right thing. Somebody told me you don’t have to be 150% certain, it’s helped me realise that I am going to have massive doubts but that’s ok.
I hope you get out soon and safe.
31st December 2015 at 9:02 pm #6859LisaMain Moderator
I just wanted to say that we are all here. You are incredibly brave and a true survivor. It is great that you have found the strength to talk to your IDVA about everything. She will help you and if you ever need any more advice please phone the helpline at any time.
Go very carefully and safely. Your IDVA and the helpline can help you with a safety plan that will be best for you.
We are all here for you.
31st December 2015 at 9:18 pm #6861
Thank you for your kind words.
I can’t take any credit yet as I don’t feel like a survivor as I haven’t survived yet.
I feel like I need to take a deep breath and tell someone, anyone exactly what goes on in my house, it was such a big step to finally actually answer some questions honestly yesterday but if I take that deep breath then I’m not sure how safe we will be.
I’m scared Lisa 😢 And I want to do this but it’s so hard, harder than living my life because at least I know what to expect xx
31st December 2015 at 10:29 pm #6864White RoseParticipant
It is terrifying. The knot in your stomach Wil tighten but the helpline are amazing. I bawled my eyes out couldn’t get my words out, sobbed and gulped till I finally spat out I needed help with a plan to leave. I was in no fit state to listen so they told me to make tea get a more pad and pen and they’d ring me back in 20 mins.
The thing that sticks in my mind is the keep safe message and that’s so important. You don’t have to tell him you’re leaving and it may be safer for you not to. IDVA will guide you.
Keep you plan lists secret – I had mine in my work bag in my umbrella cover. Sounds daft now but I was so scared he’d find them and find out!
If you weren’t scared I’d feel you weren’t serious about getting out.
You can do it. You’re strong determined and are surviving but you must make sure you and your children are safe.
Take care. Be strong. I believe in you! Xxxx
3rd January 2016 at 11:11 am #7041SerenityParticipant
You can do it. I did. I divorced the man, barred him from the houses dragged him to court over finances.
This is the same man who made me tremble, that I was terrified of not cooking well enough for…
Being away makes from them you rediscover your strength and your courage. When you are with them, they only fool you into thinking you are weak..
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