I want him out

[Confusedmumma]

All these years I made excuses for his behaviour towards me (emotional/verbal abuse and general attitude). My gut was screaming at me that something more was wrong. My gut was right. The behaviour that he has been doing behind my back is disgusting, I feel violated and sick to the pit of my stomach. We have children and I plan to stay in the house with them. Cannot wait to have him out but dreading the actual doing it part as I know his reaction will be bad. I plan to tell him to go when we are away from the house and making sure I have our important bits on me but can’t see him going easily, does anyone have any tips for making him leave if he refuses? Joint mortgage etc so it is tricky. I am scared to be in the same house as him. Clearly after far too many years I don’t know this Man or what he could be capable of 🙁 i don’t think I can change the locks whislt joint owned can I? I can’t believe this is happening

[EvenSerpentsShine]

This is tricky. I really hope someone who knows more about this than me will come on and post advice for you, but, as far as I know, if you have a jointly owned home he has every right  to live in it and access it. You can ask him to leave but he doesn’t have  to and he can come back at any time.

In my experience he will not leave.

 

There are legal orders to keep him away ( like restraining orders) but you have to be in danger and they are only short term I believe.

You have more power to get things moving ( ie put the house on the market) if you’re there, but you have to weigh up the emotional and mental cost.

During a divorce things will be pushed through, separation of assets, sale of house etc but it will take its time and possibly cost in solicitors if he chooses to be difficult.

Think hard about your options. Talk to people who can help you. Police, local domestic abuse unit or charities, solicitors. There is information on this site and on the internet about your legal rights etc.

Make sure all your devices are completely secure. Change passwords if they’re not, or get new cheap phone if u can and if you’re in doubt…or use library computer, open new email account there.

Good luck. Sympathizing with how you’re feeling. X

[Marmalade]

Hi, totally agree with post above.

You both have the right to occupy and neither can change the locks. You can ask him to leave but he can refuse.

Equally you may not be able to stay in the house with the children . If you are married then the assets will be divided on divorce. The starting point is 50/50 although the children’s needs will be taken into account. He may want the children up to 50% of the time. You will both have housing needs . If there is enough money then maybe you can stay in the house and you have to buy him out of his share. Otherwise it may need to be sold. It will depend on your particular circumstances.

If you are not married then the property may need to be sold and divided so you each get your share. Ask a solicitor to advise you about this.

See a solicitor who specialises in family law for some advice either on divorce or just separation if you are not married. Some offer the first 30 minutes free. Before you go have schedules of all the finances you know about so you can make best use of the time. They can then tell you what is likely to happen in a divorce.

Good luck.

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