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The hot and cold , every time I think things are better he kicks off it’s not so much physical but verbally
even out in public kicking things I’m leaning against calling me names etc
but I don’t know what I can do
I have a joint tenancy in social housing we sleep separately as he only wants to be near me when he wants sex or on his terms
my friend said I can claim universal credits in my own right as we are technically not living together if I decide to separate from him but still under same address
But how does it work for housing I have no support no where to go he certainly won’t ever leave which I don’t get if he treats me this badly surely he doesn’t wanna be around me why won’t he just leave
I read that I can declare myself at at risk of homelessness with council due to DA but that means having to tell someone
I don’t know what I can do
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Hi,
To keep you on standby to service his sexual needs as and when he wants is all about control, as of course that’s not healthy and will also impact you and you MH… my ex husband put so much pressure on me to have sex that sometimes it was easier for me to give in to his demands to keep the peace (although it was just temporary reprieves until the next time)…
Also, when you feel that things are getting better between you.and he then ruins that, it is what they all do as it keeps you confused as happiness for you is not what he wants, only his needs and wants matter to him, I am sorry to be blunt but this is a common tactic used by abusive men.
You could speak to Women’s Aid, they can advise and support you without pressure of you leaving… also, if both your names are on the tenancy/with housing association he could be forced to leave… I understand how scary it is to speak to anyone about the abuse and his behaviours but, you do not have to protect him, he is choosing to treat you this way. He knows what he is doing is wrong and why should you accept it?
Like you, my ex husband made it clear that he wasn’t happy at home, with me (would. Criticise my charactor and trll me i was mad, useless and over a period of decades), our children were in the way etc etc… this attitude of his never changed, he would apologise but with an excuse (he was tired, stressed etc) so he actually never took responsibility for his actions)…
Yes you can declare yourself homeless due to DA and am sure some women on this forum who habe been through this can advise you, for now, I would suggest contacting Women’s Aid online chat, they won’t pressure you and it is confidential so a good place to start to talk about what you are going through.
It is crazy, as in a healthy relationship which breaks down, although still painful as all break ups are painful but, being in a relationship with an abusive partner and wanting to separate is something else completely as they do not want to leave.and it is all about them…my husband had a massive sense of entitlement.
You are not alone and there’s help out there, keep pushing forward and.trust your gut, if it feels wrong, it is wrong
X*x
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Here for help has given you some great advice already so I’ll just second giving Womans Aid and your local housing team a call.
Yes you can claim UC whilst living at the same address as long as you are separated and living separated lives e.g separate beds etc, it’s like having a lodger or renting with a friend so he’ll be expected to pay bills which will reduce certain elements of your entitlement. Use Turn2us or one of the other benefit calculators. I went through the homeless process and my local council were very supportive, but maybe others can help more as I wasn’t a social housing tenant at the time. I believe they have clauses in the contracts about dv but best to check with them. Good luck with it all, it’s scary but there’s help out there
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