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    • #169515
      Beesbees
      Participant

      I wonder if anyone could help me? I want to go back to him.
      I called the police on my partner for breaking my arm thinking it would just be put on my record for when I was ready to leave, the police had to arrest him. (detail removed by Moderator). I have recently received more information, now know it isn’t his first time but he has no charges. One part of me wants to (detail removed by Moderator) protect anyone who gets involved with him, but another part of me wants to try again. He broke his bail (detail removed by Moderator), and I’m wondering if I was to message would I get in trouble for it? I know it wouldn’t look good for my case- I just want to check on him.
      I know I shouldn’t go back and he probably won’t entertain me, but I would beat myself up if I did not try.

    • #169519
      Sad and alone
      Participant

      Beesbees these decisions are yours to make but all I can say is I would seriously question your personal safety if you do. Whether your arm was broken straight out or as a result of say, being pushed over, he has done this, and there’s no telling what he could do next. He obviously has very little control over his actions and I would be concerned he could do something worse.
      A lot of us get to the stage where we think if one more thing happens that’ll be it. We’ll tell someone, or leave. Then something happens and we do nothing. You’ve actually done something which is such a step forward it would be a shame to retreat back. You don’t need to try and make things work with this person, there are other people out there who will love you and not abuse you in the process.
      I wonder how his previous victim would feel if she knew what he’d done? I wonder if she wishes she’d reported him and made sure there was a record to try and protect others in the future? You have the opportunity to not only break away from this person but also make sure he’s held accountable for his actions.
      Good luck with whatever you decide. It’s always easy to give advice than take it!

      • #169531
        Beesbees
        Participant

        Thankyou ! She was too scared to report because he stalked her after she left.
        He pushed me with such force, my elbow broke.
        I do want to break away, and he has no remorse. Very n**********c behaviour and controlling. He has laid hand on me many times before but his is the worse.
        I know what I need to do, but he has made me feel like it was my fault and that I’m not good enough without him.
        Thankyou for your reply, means a lot to hear from someone who understands.

      • #169532
        Beesbees
        Participant

        Thankyou ! She was too scared to report because he stalked her after she left.
        He pushed me with such force, my elbow broke.
        I do want to break away, and he has no remorse. Very n**********c behaviour and controlling. He has laid hand on me many times before but his is the worse.
        I know what I need to do, but he has made me feel like it was my fault and that I’m not good enough without him.
        Thankyou for your reply, means a lot to hear from someone who understands.

    • #169524
      Bananaboat
      Participant

      I get that pull to still care & check he’s ok and hope it can work out, but ask yourself this – has he reached out to you to check you’re ok after he broke your arm? I’m going to guess not.

      Look into trauma bonds and getting support for yourself. He’s an adult, he can look after himself. If you go back (and many of us did), do it with your eyes open and a safety plan because it’s rare things like this happen once and next time, he’ll have learnt how you’ll react so will have a plan.

      • #169533
        Beesbees
        Participant

        Well he has bail conditions, so if I did reach out he would get in trouble for replying back. I just have to wait. I don’t want him in more trouble. Hopefully by the time it’s over, I would have healed. Just so difficult.
        He did not care about it after, words like attention seeker etc.
        Thankyou for your reply. It’s helps talking to someone who understands.

      • #169550
        Sad and alone
        Participant

        When they don’t even care it’s so hard. You think of a “normal” relationship when one of you is hurt or upset the other one supports in whatever way is needed. If I get upset and cry when he’s having a go at me or we’re arguing I get told to stop feeling sorry for myself. There’s seemingly no remorse at me feeling this way, let alone the fact that he’s the one responsible. It’s horrible and can make you feel very alone, and that no one cares.

      • #169576
        Bananaboat
        Participant

        I get the bail conditions but if he wanted to reach out he’d find a way, family or friends checking in or something. It’s more likely he’s telling them he’s the victim. You’re not the one ‘getting him in trouble’ his choices and actions did that. It takes a long time to heal and there will be days you crave him and days you hate him.

    • #169552
      Beesbees
      Participant

      I am alone and nobody understands me. I understand that feeling. He would be the one I would want when I’m alone. Everyone says “oh just press charges” , it’s not easy to see someone you care about like that. It’s so difficult

    • #169874

      Hi Beesbees- did you manage to not make contact? Any tips?

      I am in a very similar position, everything you wrote above resonates. I was hurt out of the blue, the police were called by neighbours, and his bail conditions are not to make contact. I am also being asked if I want to press charges.

      I just want to have a check in, put my mind at ease.

      This feeling is overwhelming at times and detracting me from dealing with the incident itself.

      Hope your feeling stronger!

    • #169875

      Hi Beesbees- did you manage to not make contact? Any tips?

      I am in a very similar position, everything you wrote above resonates. I was hurt out of the blue, the police were called by neighbours, and his bail conditions are not to make contact. I am also being asked if I want to press charges.

      I just want to have a check in, put my mind at ease.

      This feeling is overwhelming at times and detracting me from dealing with the incident itself.

      Hope your feeling stronger!

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