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    • #146457
      Chocolatebunnie
      Participant

      Well it was a special weekend, should have been a great weekend which it was but a little tarnished as usual and it was a difficult one, I was right! Why do they always do this on a special occasion

      He knows I see through him, he’s trying to play mind games to put me in my place, he will keep going until usually I break then he offers comfort and I except and here we ho again. Sound familiar? Well not this time I’ve reached my limit

      I’m speaking with local support worker tomorrow I’m going to tell her I need ‘out’

      He told me to get off my phone I was sorting something out for later in the day, special occasion, so told him no and continued with what I was doing, heard him mumbling (detail removed by Moderator). I’ve been I’ll he doesn’t even know that’s how close we are and how much he cares yeah I’m not miserable just ill and still carrying on cos there’s no support from him, I’m not allowed to be ill, he doesn’t believe I am and no sympathy in fact he goes to bed I’ll so I kept it quiet.

      Later, I say I did ok with what I had being doing earlier which he had said was (detail removed by Moderator). To which he (detail removed by Moderator)! Not far and not amazingly hard, and yeah I’m playing it down aren’t I?

      He’s normally just verbally or emotionally abusive but throwing or being heavy handed this is something that happens now and again but is rare but I’m feeling he’s telling me to get back in my place?

      Actually not so rare I guess I’m gotten to used to it, I remember noticing over the weekend how he roughly snatched some (detail removed by Moderator), remember thinking this is normal and I don’t usually see it but that’s not right.

      I feel like his body language his words and actions are a warning?

      So I need out and fast, the kids saw and have spoken about it. I want to pack his stuff and tell him to go, but just don’t know what or how to play it as I know he will get nasty I’m worried about custody too.

      Im so scared of him looking after our (detail removed by Moderator) younger kids, he’s so irresponsible has no common sense, sometimes he hits as punishment and has told one of the children they (detail removed by Moderator), we all heard this we all stuck up for them too. I’m scared he will over feed them on junk, I don’t mean a cheeky takeaway I mean tonnes of food he’s done this with our other kids who now have issues serious with food. He falls asleep when looking after them and generally isn’t bothered if he drinks, gets stoned and drives and so on.

      This is what’s been keeping me here, but there’s gotta be a way out.

      Refuge won’t take me, too many kids and (detail removed by Moderator), plus due to needs they won’t cope.

      I’m feeling stuck and cornered.

    • #146534
      Chocolatebunnie
      Participant

      I’ve said I want to end things.

      Was told I have misunderstood was joking etc etc.

      Start to believe him, then feel bad, guilty and doubt myself.

      Then I’m stepping back and rethinking again reminding myself of years and years of this cycle.

      Going to keep going.

      He’s on his best behaviour but no signs of taking me seriously

    • #146538
      Bananaboat
      Participant

      Well done that’s a huge step standing up to him and saying it’s over. Expect every trick in the book now while he tries to figure out how to get you compliant again – right now he’s being nice but he realises that won’t work he’ll switch, so be prepared. Now is the time to get any important paperwork somewhere safe, secure your money and any online accounts.

      You’re right you have to keep reminding yourself of the bad. I used to read back my journal or old posts on here, look at old photos and remember the stuff that happened after those happy smiles, think about your next birthday/Christmas/special event, remind yourself what it’ll really be like for you and the kids. Good luck x

    • #146575
      Chocolatebunnie
      Participant

      Bananaboat, It’s was nice to get your reply as it’s pretty lonely dealing with this and you clearly know as we all do how this goes

      I was and am still very scared but I couldn’t keep it to myself any longer. I’m letting myself and my children down by letting it continue.

      You are right, he couldn’t be nicer, and I’ve tried quite a few times to end it over the years.

      He has left before, and then there’s been me giving in because he is switching between nice to nasty. Then you cave in don’t you, because you can’t handle the nasty and he then becomes your comfort.

      I can’t and won’t do this again, not saying it’s easy it’s really not I’m struggling but was struggling anyway.

      I haven’t asked him to leave but I need to that’s my next hurdle and I am so scared, I know guilt will be used as he is losing his home and children. I know he will turn nasty if that doesn’t work I’m prepared in case it escalates as I know anything is possible. I don’t feel ready, but does anybody in this situation?

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