I went in to a relationship

[Rosemary]

I was in a relationship I’ve had to leave him because once again I could not cope with the abuse emotionally abuse upsetting my children he was doing the same what the kids farther did has anyone experience thus or is it just me when you
Get a new boyfriend and they just be the same I think it’s because I told my ex boyfriend what I went thought with my kid dad and I am sure they just love to do the same it’s horrible I don’t think I will trust men it seams I get the ones who treat me wrong now ive had to get the police involved again my ex is causing problems with me and my children makeing false allegation which had made my life even worse. I feel physically and mentally worn out of my ex causing problems I still don’t even have a house after I left my kids farther I am fed up with my life and I wish my life would get better . My ex boyfriend just wants to try and keep me by telling the police anything just to make my life worse I’ve got emuff stress in my life as it .

[Twisted Sister]

Hi Rosemary

In coming to this forum you can read all the other women who have experienced these very same tactics by their own abusers. You are far from alone in your ex finding out what the father of your baby did, and then use the same tactics on you to abuse you further.

Its because they are abusers, and certainly not because you deserve it, or that you will always meet men like this. Because they are abusers they look for the vulnerabilities in their partners and however they find them (because we are human and all have our weaknesses) thats what they will use, whether they found out because you shared such private difficult experiences of your ex with them, or because you show them in some other way what hurts you, or upsets you. We all have these points of upset, or hurt, but most of us don’t store them up and work out how to use them against you.This is what abusers do.

The thing we can do is realise earlier on, and that only comes from talking to other women, and realising what red flags were there from the start so we can pick them up really early on another time. Have you heard of the freedom programme? They run sessions on exactly this and it really does open your eyes to whats going on, and all the predictable tactics of abuse.

So, try to be gentle with yourself and know that you have now removed that from your life, and to give yourself time to breathe and heal from all thats gone before. To make a safe home for yourself and your children, as they need this safe space also to heal and you can all heal together.

Do you have any support around you, whether its family, friends or a support worker or something?

Look after yourself, and enjoy doing things with your children, you all need this time together to start to recover.

warmest wishes

ts

[Rosemary]

Hello Twisted sister

Thank you for your help I really appreciate it so much it’s so right what you are saying about my ex boyfriend he new that I was vulnerable my ex boyfriend has a problem with him seif to I am just glade i got out of it but the stress stays with me for a bit I got police involved my ex made some allegations which are not true but his made my life even worse now for no reason at all I will not forgive him at all. He just will not let me go he just wants to have a hold over me or something.

I have Hurd of the freedome program how do I start this programme please? I have some
Surport comeing my way thank you for asking .

Do social services really help familys? Some people are scared of then in case they have there children taken of then . Because of my ex partner makeing faulse allegations I think this is why they are comeing out what I dont get I was told by surport worker that they are worrying about
My children safety? Would it be because we have
Been thought domestic abuse twice. How can they find out of thease allegations are true or not ?
My ex is doing this because he wants to make things sound worse I feel physically and mentally worn out of this .I wish I never met my ex boyfriend because his causeing to much trouble

[Twisted Sister]

Hi

Do keep talking and posting, its one of the best ways of getting it out of your head and realising you are not alone with what you are going through.

I understand that many are fearful, because of powers to remove children. Getting social services involved is your choice, if thats something you wanted to do though. I have heard that they give support to struggling families, but they would get involved in safeguarding the children if they felt they were at risk, you are not with your ex though, so they shouldn’t have reason to involve themselves in that other than to note the ex is an abuser. I’ve never wanted any involvement with them.

I am pleased to hear you have support coming your way. A support worker is different to a social worker, if thats what you thought I was meaning, as I’ve just realised that may have been why you queried using social services and I hadn’t mentioned them. Help from Womens Aid normally comes in the form of a support worker, for instance.

Anyone who has allegations made against them would normally be questioned by the police, for instance, to discuss the allegations to hear the other sides version of events. To see if there is any further evidence also, in the case of witnesses, say, or any recordings, videos.

warmest wishes

ts

[Rosemary]

Thank you Twisted sister for your information I really appreciate it. Because I’ve been in more than one abusive relationship I think this is why the support worker may get social services involved? The support worker said she worry about the children safety she never mentioned mine which I thought she would of ? I am sure she worrying about all of us ? It’s right what your saying that some people don’t like social services because they think the children of them I never asked for social services but my support worker might get them involved she said she will let me now and if they come out they would
come 3 times a week why would they come 3 times a week ? Thank you Twisted sister I will keep on here much as I can as I now people will help me

[Twisted Sister]

yes, I see what you mean. I don’t know anything about them, I can only guess that she has an idea of how much support you would get from them, but I also don’t understand why she would not be worried about your safety, but only the childrens.

Yes, its good to have a place to come to , it can mean everything to be heard and understood, and so much to be believed!

warmest wishes

ts

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