I won't accept the blame

[Laloba]

Trigger alert.
I just finished a therapy section and I’m very mad.

I feel that all the blame is on me. I tell her that he bites me and pinches me and twists my wrist and she asks me If i don’t bite and pinch him too… Of course I do… I will be sitting still while he does all this things to me, even if it’s just a joke? He makes fun of me and I make fun of him. He pinches me and I do too. I do not twist his wrist, he’s much stronger than me. I don’t suffocate him during sex, i don’t destroy things or tear my clothes apart when I am mad. I won’t take the blame. I cannot accept this blame. He’s aggressive then i respond to it and that makes me aggressive too? Am I playing the victim? I am probably the n********t then because I cannot see things that way.

[Hawthorn]

Hi Laloba,

I think you’re behaving normally in a threatening situation. Have you heard of reactive abuse? He provokes you and you respond in kind. He is still the driver of the abuse and you are the victim. As you said, he is far stronger than you and suttocation/tearing at clothes(even his own) is terrifying for anyone to experience.
You are right not to accept the blame, it is his shame to carry for behaving this way.
Is your therapist skilled in dealing with domestic violence situations? It doesn’t sound as though she is. I would recommend talking to the amazing ladies at your local womens aid, they have been a real lifesaver for me.
Take care of yourself Wolf Lady xx

[gettingtired]

Is your therapist trained in domestic abuse? This sounds very wrong! x

[Laloba]

Thank you very much for your replies ladies. I’m taking care, we’ve broken up, I’m just trying to not go back anymore.

I am not sure if she’s trained for that, maybe not. But I always question if she’s seeing things about me that I cannot see. That I’m in the wrong and I cannot even realise it.

It sounds a bit scary but I’ll try to find a local womens aid. thank you.

[Author]

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