This topic contains 5 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Goggleeyes 6 months ago.

  • Author
  • #66225

    Whenever our arguements escalate i always get, if you dont like it theres the doors. Or ive been put out of Better places than this.
    I am still coming to terms with my husband being abusive, but surely vile name calling, body shaming, sulking, gaslighting, manipulation is wrong on so many levels.
    He has shown he can be thoughtful considerate and caring, yet chooses to allow his temper to get the better of him. I dont make him lose his temper, he allows that to happen himself. Im sick of being a verbal punchbag, when i tell himb how i feel, he’ll jyst go no one stopping you from leaving, but make sure you leave car/house keys b4 you go and see to your dog.
    Next time hes so calm and logical talks of selling the house going our separate ways. Is he really abusive or just being defensive and lashing out.

  • #66228
     Twisted Sister 

    Dear Iwantmeback

    Yes, it is all so wrong on so many levels and he will be the first aghast if you took him up on his offer for you to leave.

    Hold strong there, I know its so hard to keep on track with all their head-messing, gas-lighting, toing and froing, tips you all over the place, but nevertheless, you know and you will get stronger in that knowledge.

    Be the rock in the middle whilst his stupid storm swirls around you. He will chop and change whilst you remain resolute. No more feeling sorry for him, fix your mind on knowing exactly what he’s doing and make your choices.

    Warmest wishes ts

  • #66236

    Hi TS, youve put a smile on my face. Sometimes we just need it reaffirmed that we are sane and not blowing things out of proportion. Tapadh leibh mo charaid (thank you my friend)

  • #66238

    hello love,
    You need to get to the point where you feel strong enough to say to anyone who hurts you.
    ‘If you don’t like it, you know where the door is’.
    End of.
    It is a good place to be. honestly.
    Keep posting
    all best

  • #66582

    Hi ftc, ive asked him to leave a few times now. All i get is, ive been thrown out of better places than this. Or he’ll reverse it, is that what you really want. I’ll go it’s no problem to me. You can have the house but im keeping my dog, who he made such a song and dance about when we got her. Tried to make out he never wanted her in the first place. I’ve tried not to get attached to her, but she looks to me for comfort when he shouts and she won my heart the minute i met her. He’s definately not as volatile with her compared to the other dogs. But i know now they would have a safe place to go and be helped. One of them is becoming quite aggressive as he’ll bark and bare his teeth even if i shout now around him. I’m afraid he’s maybe done too much damage and the only option for them would be to be put down. I’d miss my dog more than him, that i know for sure.
    I look at him and try to see the man i feel in love with but i dont, i just see a stranger. Remember the old adverts fir children, stranger danger. Yet its not always the stranger who’s the danger😞
    This weekend was okay, yes there was a few moments esp on friday, but its now sunday and hes not even slightly raised his voice or used intimidating body language today.
    No hes not changed, i know that for sure, but i need to get legal advice before i do anything concrete. The kind words, the strong words, the kickup the backside words, they’ve all helped many of us on this rollercoaster time in our lives. Thank you to all who take the time to gee each other on.

    We are women and we are strong, beautiful and very capable beings.
    Blessing and strength to each and everyone of you

    IWMB 💕💕

  • #67143

    “If you don’t like it….” This was my partners mantra our whole time together. It’s cohersive, it’s controlling, it’s demoralising to you. I too was always called a the most derogatory names in his anger.
    To the point that I actually believed it. Having no self confidence or worth left. A once fiesty, fun loving person became an unrecognisable shell of herself.
    Please just leave. If you have the strength to stay enduring his behaviour; then lovely you have the strength to walk away and never look back. You need to value you. You can do it, do it. Xx

You must be logged in to reply to this topic.


© 2015 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ Jobs

Log in with your credentials


Forgot your details?

Create Account