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    • #131088
      Bananaboat
      Participant

      So after (detail removed by Moderator) of being strong, dealing with agencies and trying to escape all this, I stupidly caved and gave him another chance. Within days he was back to his entitled self and I knew I’d made a mistake. After going away with kids for a few days which luckily he wasn’t there for I returned feeling strong again, but again caved and this time within 24 hours he’d gone out for a ‘quick’ drink returning many many hours later, with a wet, useless apology and tried to deflect on to me when I didn’t accept the apology. He’s not paying bills and I’m drowning. Why did I cave, I want to get out and live again.

    • #131129
      Sunshines
      Participant

      You aren’t a fool. Your in love and hoping for a change and your heart is kind so you are forgiving.
      I have done the same it’s a journey to leave. It’s also a cycle.

      It’s the hardest thing to accept. And I still can’t accept that someone is that calculating they abuse.

      Go easy on yourself
      I think a massive part of the journey to break is a psychological disconnection before the physical one can be done.
      Gear yourself up in your head to disconnect.
      Then try again you will find you give a lot of chances before you accept who they are and what they do.

      In the meantime make your own plan. A plan that doesn’t involve him.
      And try to achieve it in baby steps
      Lots of love xx

    • #131131
      Wants To Help
      Participant

      Hi bananaboat,

      Well, if you’re a fool, then I am too, and so are the rest of us that are on here, so you’re amongst good company!

      What we are doing is giving these men so many chances, chances for us to try and see them for what we want them to be whilst being blind to what they actually are. Hence the saying ‘love is blind’, hence the statistics that women leave on average seven times before they leave for good.

      You have given him another chance and he has let you down again. He WILL continue to let you down. If he didn’t want to let you down he wouldn’t.

      The good thing here is that you now KNOW you made a mistake. We all make mistakes, and if we learn from them then they are very valuable lessons indeed. Perhaps you needed to give him that one more chance just to clarify in your own heart and head that he is no good for you and you can move on now knowing that you did everything you could to make this relationship work, but he didn’t. You tried, he failed. You are not to blame for this relationship failure.

      You got yourself out of this before, you can do it again x

    • #131174
      Bananaboat
      Participant

      Thank you both. I just want to believe it can be good but as we all know, their colours shine through.

      I’ve just had contact from social services who I spoke to a while ago and despite me saying I wanted no further action/support they are now saying they want to contact my kids’ dads. I don’t want this! It feels like everything is out of my hands, my kids are 100 percent safe. How can I stop this?

    • #131178
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      I think I am a fool too . I can relate to the posts above and I think I’m too forgiving too . On odd occasions I’ve made conversations with him after a load of verbal and emotional abuse all just to be having a little chat . I would still feel very hurt by all the stuff that had happened but I was just wanting to talk even if it wasn’t about anything important I just wanted too talk but to be honest it was not him I really wanted to talk to because he had belittled me , upset me , verbally abused me etc . I would have rather have been somewhere else . I’m just a complete weakling.

    • #131260
      Bananaboat
      Participant

      You’re not a weakling, we just want to believe our relationships can work as others have said, and we’re too darn nice I think. This forum helps to stop me feeling so alone in all this, less crazy and that there is hope even if it’s not right now.

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