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After a good amount of time separated from my husband, going counselling, having the time to try and heal and make myself stronger within, trying to picture a life without him, happy and free… he’s now managed to convince me to give it one more try, saying that he didn’t realise how sensitive I was, being the one to bring up the abuse subject saying that he didn’t know that what he was doing was “mental abuse” saying he constantly belittles himself, it’s the way he is.
When I said to him it’s not about me being sensitive, it was the demeaning words, it’s the fear I felt when he was screaming at my face in full rage over the smallest of things, he went on to say that he would never forgive himself for it, saying that he took me for granted, that he loves me so much, that he has never felt his anxiety this bad over losing someone before, that he doesn’t want to lose me and that he is in a dark and lonely place not knowing if we have a future.
He has mentioned he has now started counselling and that he realises he has an anger problem. He wants me to give us another chance so he can put his words into action. He thinks we can be stronger than ever.
This is really messing with my head. A couple of weeks ago I was literally ready to start the divorce procedure and now I am here about to give us another go.
Can he change, can I trust him to change? Is there hope within this mess? Or will this just end up in another cycle. I care for him so much, the eyes that have often scared me now holds so much sadness. I have never been so confused in my whole life. I guess I am the only one who knows him behind closed doors and this is a decision I can only make. I just wanted to let out what’s going on inside my head as this is eating me up inside 😞
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If he’s anything like my ex they are Oscar winning actors. I notice he’s still blaming you for being too sensitive. Classic tactic along with ‘you can’t take a joke’. From what you’ve said there’s zero chance he will change and it’s you that needs to change. To realise your worth. To build a good life for yourself without someone determined to bring you down. I can tell you this is the most dangerous time for you when you try and end the relationship. Carry on down that path and you will see the true nasty monster he is when he loses control. He doest care about you and what you want and what makes you happy. It’s also common for them to reconcile just to get control back then dump you from a great height. Either way I believe you’re going to be punished for your recent behaviour and I just didn’t see it coming. Stay safe x
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I managed (detail removed by moderator) months, went and took him back and within (detail removed by moderator) weeks he’d reverted to his old ways. It’s harder to get them out second time. WA also say on average a woman will return 7 times before leaving permanently. So we all know how difficult it is. I would say to have something in place to fall back on. Somewhere to stay, own money, own bank account etc.
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Hi TrappedButterfly
I have been in the same situation as you but something always happened to make me see things for what they really are, just at the moment I would be having doubts about leaving.
My ex thought that counselling, sorry and tears was enough, and if I’m honest so did I….. until he’d tell me to eff off or call me a name and not even be sorry or be working on it, just the same old justifications.
He also told me recently that he told his counsellor he knew we weren’t right because I am too sensitive. I didn’t say anything but that was another thing that gave me strength as I knew he was taking no responsibility for the things he says and does.
I don’t feel anywhere near wise enough to help anyone here but keep posting on because these ladies know what they are talking about and it will help you so much.
I agree with everything KIP has said above and a few months ago I would have thought nooo not my guy, he’s different…but he really isn’t.
Sending love and stay safe x
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