11th April 2021 at 10:07 am #124672SILKIEParticipant
Hi my life is falling apart. On (detail removed by moderator) my doctor told me I was the victim of Domestic Abuse, Coercive control, intimidation. Fast forward to (detail removed by moderator). The local Domestic Abuse agency have escalated my case to high risk because my husband was a (detail removed by moderator) ago and apparently has access to (detail removed by moderator) plus continued suicide threats. (detail removed by moderator) night at (detail removed by moderator), I get a call from the police who have had a call from the the agency. They arrive an hour later and tell me I have to choice… non molestation order or have him arrested. They visit him after but tell him it’s not me who has reported him.
Yesterday, not (detail removed by moderator) later, there isn’t enough to arrest him! why did they say there was??
My doctor, who was so serious and asked why I didn’t report it sooner said if this is what happened, then you must listen to the agency.
Even my own sister blamed me for not telling people this happened…’you’ve never said you were scared!’
I’ve been thrown into the middle of this and now everyone who said it’s real is pulling away and I’m back to where I started… no one is really bothered, it feels like it’s no big deal and well perhaps ‘it’s not that bad’!!
Is this it???? Doesn’t anyone really believe me???? Did I imagine it??
11th April 2021 at 11:11 am #124676beachhutParticipant
Please don’t feel alone and that no one believes you. It is not nice when you are told one thing by agencies and the police and what happens is not what was expected. They I am sure believe what you have told them but may need just that bit more evidence to take it any further. I believe you and know how difficult it is to make that decision to get the police involved, it is not something we ever expected to happen. Please take care, you did the right thing. We are all here for you.
Take care of you, beachhutXx
11th April 2021 at 11:32 am #124678SILKIEParticipant
Thank you @beachhut but this morning it’s feeling harder than ever to see any kind of future. I know it happened but at this point, it feels like he is winning. It’s starting to feel like he will get all the help for being an emotional abuser. I’m starting to realise that women don’t come forward because they have an uphill battle, just to be listened to and believed.
12th April 2021 at 6:15 pm #124717DarcyParticipant
Hi beautiful Angel … Silkie,
I am saddened to hear you are alone and have no support.
I also experienced this feeling and I know it’s hard to see this now but take power from it.
When no one helped me it was a massive wake up call for me that the only person that could save me was myself.
I had no idea how, or when but I knew if I didn’t no one would.
This is when I started to strengthen myself from the inside out, practicing self love, and self worth work which in turn strengthen my boundaries, empowered me and gave me the push I needed to eventually leave.
I also strengthen my body physically, I started to practice yoga and just generally get out in nature for walks as much as I could, not that easy I know in a controlling relationship.
It took time and practice but the work I invested in myself paid off to the life that I now live.
You are not alone, you have access to this forum so take strength, advice and guidance from the beautiful earth angels on here.
As always I recommend reading or listening to Louise Hay, You Can Heal Your Life
Stay connected on the forum, we are supporting you
Sending you continued love and support
18th June 2021 at 6:58 pm #127333OrangerainbowParticipant
It is so terrible not to be believed. I believe you and others do too, your doctor believes it. Keep the focus on you and what helps you feel good. Do something for you every day. It can be easy to get derailed when people say one thing and do or not do another. Keep moving forward even if it is baby steps. Your eyes have been opened. Knowledge is power. Hugs!
20th June 2021 at 8:36 pm #127455[email protected]Participant
It’s victim blaming not that we are victims but we are survivors xx people don’t ‘get’ domestic Abuse and dynamics I guess it can be quite complex XX read up and ask that your opinion and experience are respected xx what you experienced is real and it’s a horrible experience. Survivors understand the best that my opinion anyway turn to the ones you can trust for now above all at the moment until you get strong and you will xx
20th June 2021 at 8:37 pm #127456[email protected]Participant
You will get stronger is what I mean 😘
21st June 2021 at 6:32 pm #127511CatjamParticipant
Hi, people will never understand emotional abuse unless they experience it. Everything always seemed so trivial it was my counsellor who pointed out that each event was like a grain of sand. 1 is just a grain of sand but start putting them together and before long you have a desert.
I am also struggling to get one of my daughters to see why I left. To her I am being selfish because of the timing. She doesn’t understand why I needed to go now, why I couldn’t have waited until next year as she has a significant event in the autumn. Her need for that to be perfect outweighs the dramatic announcement by her mum that had I not left I probably wouldn’t be here.
I think we all look for validation with emotional abuse, its so much easier to spot a black eye or a bruised lip. Emotional abuse should be renamed water torture.
I made a report to the police but decided to leave on my own rather than relying on the agency to remove him. The onus on me to prove I was suffering seemed too great at the time.
I hope you find a way out thats safe.
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