I’m close to the edge

[WinnieThePooh]

I have been with my boyfriend for (removed by moderator) years. At first, he was the best boyfriend I could ask for, but after about a year, he started to become horrible and uncaring. He blames everything on me. Nothing is ever his fault. He had been controlling and changing me so subtly that I didn’t even realise it was happening until recently. He treats me as if I am below him. He never has time for my emotions or any issues I raise regarding this. I recently came to the conclusion that he’s a n********t.
I have Borderline Personality Disorder, and since I have never had a sense of self, it was easy for him to mould me into someone who now completely has no worth and no hope left. But I have now come to a point where I can no longer take this. All he does is make me cry and feel suicidal. Since I have no friends and a dysfunctional family, he’s the person I spend the most time with and talk to the most, that’s why I’ve been holding on for so long because I dont want to have no one at all. He knows I have no support or help, and that’s why he keeps treating me like this. I need the strength to get out of this relationship before I have a complete mental breakdown.

[Lisa]

Hi WinnieThePooh,

Welcome to the forum. Hopefully soon here, you can begin to feel validated and supported by other women that will very much understand what you are going through.

If you ever feel you would like to have one-to-one, even face to face support around this, you can speak to your local domestic abuse service who will do all they can to help. They can provide both emotional and practical help if needed.

You mentioned feeling suicidal at times, so do know you can also also contact the Samaritans 24 hours a day if you need to talk to someone about your feelings. You can call them by dialling 116 123, which is a Freephone number from landlines or a mobile phone. You can also e-mail them at jo@samaritans.org.

Coming here and sharing your story demonstrates you are taking positive steps forward for yourself to ensure you do not remain isolated in all this. Know that you are not alone and I’m sure you will soon feel empathy from others here that can relate to you.

All the best,

Lisa

[Twitcher]

Hi WinniethePooh,

I’m so pleased you have found this forum and reached out, I only joined a couple of weeks ago and it has given me great comfort already. Like you I don’t have any friends or family that I could turn to and it is another reason I stayed in my abusive marriage for many years. Your boyfriend has been chipping away at your self confidence and esteem and has made you feel as though you have nothing left but you do lovely, you are worth so much more. I’m made to act like one of my pets, be seen and not heard so I know where you’re coming from with regards to any emotional or practical support, It makes you feel so helpless that you can no longer have a voice. Is there a GP that you can confide in like I did, or some counselling may also help, any support that can help you process your feelings , I have been speaking to one for months and she’s not going anywhere until I’m finally divorced, thats how supportive she’s been for me. Please know you’re so not alone, there is help out there and these lovely ladies on here that are going through or been through the same will help guide you through. Please keep posting, you’ve reached out and sometimes that’s the hardest thing to do. Sending you much love x*x

[Author]

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