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I posted a while back, here
(Detail removed by moderator) morning was like any other morning, totally normal. I got up for work, had a shower, then was getting ready in the bedroom and my OH (other half) said (detail removed by moderator) and I turned my nose up because I feel so fat and ugly right now I just couldn’t imagine anything worse than him being so close down there. We did have sex the previous night and that was more in the moment so enjoyable, but then i was back to feeling like really not sexual.
He took it to another level and got so upset by me “pulling a face”, I don’t even know what face I pulled but apparently it was a disgusted one.
He went way over and above, saying (detail removed by moderator)… started screaming and shouting, said he was gonna throw his coffee everywhere… boiling hot. I was cowering in a corner shaking & crying at this point and I just said “i’m not coming home tonight” and he was like “good riddance”… so i started packing and he started saying (detail removed by moderator).
Next thing I know there’s a knock at the door and it was the police, thank goodness!! I couldn’t have been more relieved. He tried to get rid of them but I was stood behind him crying and shaking my head almost as if to say “please don’t leave me here” and they stepped through the door anyway, one of the officers took me into the bedroom and asked me what had happened and I quietly told him what I could, i was a mess and he could see that, he was also recording me with his bodycam. my OH (other half) was being all charming and offering drinks etc.. they just refused and stood there whilst I was packing. I took about 20mins to pack a huge suitcase of main things and then we left. They took a statement from me about what had happened that morning and it’s going to be logged so that if anything else happens (in retaliation) he’ll be held accountable.
I still have things left at my place (which I’ve just paid a months rent on a did a massive food shop) and the police said they’ll accompany me for when I can arrange to go back. I feel so broken but also relieved, i keep replaying everything he’s done to me and it makes me so angry. I can’t believe i’ve wasted a year of my life with this horrible man. But I’m also sad because of all the good, we were more than happy yesterday and (detail removed by moderator). Just sucks so much but I’m so glad I’m out. The police dropped me at the station so I could get the tube to work but wow they were so nice, said how they’d seen so many like my boyfriend before and the whole charming thing doesn’t wash with them.
They have referred me for support, I’m not sure what that’ll be but I’ll take anything.
Luckily (detail removed by moderator). She’s been very nice and said not to worry about rent until next payday. I’m feeling so scared and upset, also heartbroken that it’s ended like this – but really how else was it gonna end? I couldn’t be more grateful to the police for helping me to get out especially when i never would have been in a position to call them myself.
I could barely sleep last night, I’ve had a terrible stomach, managed a coffee and a couple of biscuits this morning but the thought of eating makes my stomach turn. I can’t shake the anxiety and feeling fearful that he’s going to lose it and try to find me, or come to my work etc. I still have so many things at the place and I want it all back, so I have to somehow arrange that too? I just don’t want to deal with it, it’s too much! My mum has offered to help me pack up the stuff which would be good as he’d never do anything whilst she was there and it saves wasting police time. I just feel alone, like a piece is missing, sooo insecure and just weird, I can’t explain it.
Thanks for reading and any advice please welcome xxxxx
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Hi hun my heart aches for you. It feels like your whole life has been turned upside down. Been there. Losing your home and all that is familiar all at one.
That said sometimes God works in mysterious ways. You say but it was lovely the other day so….. He is (detail removed by moderator) it sounds like he made you have in your face. Is that love. You have to have sex by being insulted and hurt. Is it as good as you say this relationship.
I stayed with mine for (detail removed by moderator) . It gets worse and hun what he is saying to you is terrible and cruel.
You need the support of people who understand. Call wa as just a chat will help. I think it’s great your mom will help you pack but please get the police to accompany you. Take what you can and the rest you can replace. There only possessions.your heart and soul and self esteem will take a lot longer to replace.
My god of he is being this abusive (detail removed by moderator) imagine in (detail removed by moderator) years. Imagine the experience you had the other morning with your child being pulled in and abused as well.
You sound like you have my got kids yet but once you do it will escalate. You are freer and have more strength than you realise.
My advice for what it’s worth is block contact now to avoid him manipulating you and surround yourself with genuine people who know how to treat others with respect. Be safe x
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Hi @Iwon, thank you for commenting.
I’m glad what I’m feeling is normal, a lot of people are telling me “don’t feel like that” etc and don’t beat yourself up, but how can I not? For the last year and my previous (detail removed by moderator) year relationship I’ve been conditioned into believing everything is my fault and trying to justify their behaviour. It’s so hard. I kept waking up last night cos I kept having nightmares about what happened, I had that sense of relief when I woke up thinking it was just a nightmare, then crushed with the reality that this is real! I’m so against domestic abuse and violence, when I see it elsewhere, yet I couldn’t manage to get myself out without police intervention, it sucks how weak I became.I know, in a way I’m glad I did have the abortion otherwise I’d be tied to him for life, he would take me to court for access and my life would be hell, my poor child would then have to deal with his c**p as well. I don’t have any kids no.
He has not tried to contact me, I assume because the police said to leave it for a bit and reconnect when things have calmed down, but I’m scared for him to contact in case he starts trying to worm his way back in and I’m so weak it will be so hard to ignore that and then eventually “hurt” him saying that the relationship is well & truly over. Surely he can’t think I’d stay with what he’s said and done? I just don’t want to deal with anymore, it’s horrid.
x
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Hi lovely I felt ashamed like you at how stupid u was to have married such a vile man and being conned.
You do not have to tell him it’s over! You owe him nothing. If I came up and punched you in the face and started calling you vile names would you feel the need to contact me to tell me you didn’t want a friendship with me.
We call get conditioned to the abuse until it seems normal. The only blessing from my ex was my lovely child. He was born (detail removed by moderator) just after she passed away. He was my gift from God because he is the only reason I didn’t commit suicide. It WILL get worse. Abuse always does.
Please talk to womens aid read this forum. Call the Samaritans. Anyone but him. You are vulnerable at the moment. Anyone would be and you need to reach out to people who understand domestic abusive.
I can’t remember the name for it (may be one of the other ladies can comment) the power and control wheel for domestic abuse. When the wa lady showed me that it was like lightbults going off in my head. You deserve better. X*x
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It’s literally getting harder every minute to keep it together. I’m losing my cool at work and welling up at my desk I just feel like a w****o. I feel like I need some time off to get everything sorted but I just feel like a failure then. I want my stuff back. I wanna move on. This being stuck in limbo is horrid.
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