I’m free

[Greyskydarkdays]

I have been out since (detail removed by moderator), it is the best feeling, but it is so hard, I feel lost, like I don’t no who I am, I don’t no what I want, I feel nothing just numb, just walking on empty, there is children involved so do see him and he has kicked off a few times since leaving, but i refuse to let him get to me, I wish I could brake all contact but for now I limit it, I don’t allow him in my home, but without him, who am I, I am feeling really low, have been seeing a doctor and having medication for anxiety, but I just feel dead inside, I can’t remember simple things like ringing people bk, making appointments , my brain is like fog, I’ve tried exercise, prayer, meditation, I just can’t seem to find myself, or feel good about myself, I walk around with a smile, but I really want to scream

[Escapee]

Hi Greysky,

I am at a very similar place. I left about the same time as you.

My memory is awful too and I have big gaps that I can’t remember. My anxiety level is still through the roof.

I also feel that I have got no love left in me; I just feel completely empty and lost.

But I do think it might be starting to get a bit better. I realised today that I can relax my shoulders easier than I could before. My stomach is still knotted up but I do think my body is starting to realise that it doesn’t need to be on high alert all the time…..it just needs to stop flooding my system with cortisol!

I think we will get there, it’s just going to take time. We have had to be in fight or flight for so long that has become our natural state; our bodies and subconscious just need time to adjust.

Here’s to us recovering!

Sending you love and strength x*x

[Newbeginnings1234]

I also left about the same time as you and I feel the same way, I feel like I’m not the same person I was before I met my ex and I don’t know what I like and don’t like, or what I want to do with my life. At first I was more emotional than usual and would cry all the time, but now I don’t really feel anything anymore. It helps to know that other people feel the same way, hopefully you start to feel better soon x

[Escapee]

As awful as we feel, it’s comforting to know it’s just part of the process of healing isn’t it.

It’s interesting that we all left about the same time and are experiencing very similar emotional states.

I hate the days I feel bereft but I appreciate that I just need to let the tears flow; I’ve stopped fighting it now or questioning it – I just let it happen.

As for who we are now, I guess we’ll get to know who we are as we progress. I’ve worked out I’m fundamentally still me, just wiser and rather cynical.

Hopefully in another 4ish months we’ll be even further down the road together – just in time for Spring 😊.

[Getmylifeback]

I left at a similar time I think and also have kids together so limiting my contact where possible but I can’t fully.

He also kicks off sometimes in fact were due it as it hasn’t been for a few weeks 🙄

I’ve just spent money I don’t really have on some nice things for my house as I needed to make it my home not just a house and it’s surprising how much better a few things have improved my mindset.

How are your kids doing? Mine are still up or down but most of the down is when he’s been an ar$e.

Ivevgot my first night out since I left next weekend but I feel nervous about it as when he finds out he’ll try to do something to cause issues . My daughter won’t stay with him so I’ve areabfed for them to have a sleepover at their friends and I know he will make me feel bad saying she’ll not settle without me. I nearly backed out but my friend said not to be so silly and she’ll manage my daughter and I need this night out , which I really do!

[Escapee]

GMLB – you go for it! Heaven knows we need a break from all the cr**. Your friend sounds wonderful – it’s so important to have good people around you.
My children have grown up so I’m very thankful that I don’t have the added worries of contact. But we did split up before when they were younger and he use to throw all sorts of tantrums, calling me awful names and saying a was a bad mother and that he was going to get social services involved! I just let it all wash over me as I knew both children were safe, well looked after and happy….all social services would have found is a single mum creating a happy home whilst dealing with an abusive ex-partner.

I hope you have a brilliant night out and manage to forget all your troubles for one night at least. X*x

[Author]

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