I’m having anxiety attack

[blaa]

I can’t cope I neee to talk to get out I’m having flash backs of things that happened years ago I was groomed and raped by a man and his gang and I saw a story in the news that triggered flashbacks and I’m so upset and angry and I hate some men so much I hate them I want them to suffer how they make women suffer, the man or my ex I’m not sure what to call him he’s in prison for a very very long time so I try to have comfort in that but sometimes it’s not enough I’m so angry and hurt and I feel like it’s my fault for being weak or ugly and worthless and even now I never feel good enough and I’m not being self pitying I hope I don’t sound like that I’m sorry o don’t mean to I just feel so bad and want to feel better I’m having meltdown my child won’t go to bed I’m struggling with her behaviour and I feel like I’m to blame for her playing up, I’m having anxiety attacks about the past all the time I can’t cope I don’t know what to do, I’m sorry I just needed to tell someone I feel so alone

[Hazydayz]

Oh bless you blaa don’t apologise. You have suffered horribly and are suffering now understandably. Anyone would feel what your feeling now if they had gone through what you have. Have you any outside support? Family or friends to talk to when you need to or when you feel alone. I understand being up with a young child in the night alone, can feel very lonely and tiring. I have memories of that. Tiredness will wear you down cause all sorts of problems if your not getting sleep? Add that to what you carry around with you inside and you will feel overwhelmed I’m sure. This lockdown will be taking its toll on you too and your child maybe? I really hope you have support in your life and can ask for help from the right prople. Never feel guilty for needing to tell what’s happened/happening to you or seeking understanding and caring. My heart goes out to you💕

[Lisa]

Hi blaa,

I’m really sorry you’re struggling at the moment. It’s completely understandable considering everything you’ve been through.

It might be worth contacting Rape Crisis for some specialist support. They’re on 0808 802 9999. There’s also No Panic who can support people who suffer with panic attacks. They’re on 0844 967 4848.

Keep posting to let us know how you’re getting on,

Lisa

[blaa]

Thank you hazydayz, your reply is so kind and makes me feel less alone. I’m calmer today but always anxious, I’m a single mum, so lockdown is just me and my child, my child’s father was the mans friend so not a nice man either, but I have a close friend I talk to but I need more support than he can offer and I feel so guilty to burden him too much, and none of my friends or family fully know what happened and I don’t want them to know because it might upset them and I feel ashamed and humiliated too. I think lockdown is just making me think too much, it’s lonely and there’s no proper routine or enough distractions so affecting us both. But thanks again for being so kind, I hope you’re doing ok.
Thanks Lisa, I already had some support from rapecrisis but am on waiting list for more, and thank you for panic number too.

[Hazydayz]

🙂 Hello again blaa and good morning to you🌄 I hope it is and the day has started well for you and your daughter too. Thankyou for your reply💐 I’m happy that I was of some help to you, and it so lovely that your hoping I’m ok, bless you. You seem such a lovely Caring soul you really do! I’m doing ok,the last couple of days have been better for me after my meltdown moment too. I saw your post at my lowest and felt for you so much. I have to say to you…You really are so brave, coming through what you have and trying to deal with it all alone, so as not to hurt anyone else you care for with the truth of what’s happened. I can only imagine the horror of your past experiences, the rapes and all. Trying to Survive that? Process it? Bury it? and Recover yourself? Cope with flashbacks and deal with surpressing the anger and rage you then find you never escape from? My hand goes up to you blaa✋living with the fallout of it all and sharing it with me and other strangers on here. You are incredible! You may not realise this? You will save others, like yourself, maybe save lives! Sharing on here. Even people like me who don’t suffer experience such as yours, benefit as a result of seeing what good you are doing. Telling, “how it is” “how it feels” I really hope you get the extra support that you need here, especially from others you can identify as sharing same or very similar experience. Honestly, I do. I do also really understand how difficult it must be for you carrying all this alone. I respect your wish to keep from family and friends all the details you can’t share for your own reasons. Just want to say, your loved so much I feel, from what you have said about not wanting to hurt dear ones. I’m a mum, I know it would hurt but I would want my daughter to let me help her carry her load and Free her up a little. Your carrying a lot! As a single mum too! I know about that! I do hope lockdown gets easier for you and your daughter and soon you both be enjoying lots of helpful distractions again. Look after you both, though you already are doing a great job! Hope you both have a lovely day in the sunshine☀️

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