I’m making it worse, am I sane

[Onlyintime]

Following on from my previous holiday post. I’m furious, I’m internally furious, I have such a mood on around him after the holiday escalation. He keeps saying that I’m depressed stressed whatever emotion he picks and he’s absolutley right! I’m furious at myself for putting up with this constant circle of sh8t. I’m furious that I can’t leave due to fear and guilt of leaving him with nothing. I’m furious that my kids saw him escalate, I’m furious that deep down il smooth over this mood because his escalation if I don’t will be worse. Do u know what I said.. I said I’m angry at myself for causing the argument. Why did I say that? Because telling him thst I hate him for every inch of his being and I hate him for how he acts would simply trigger another escalation. I wish I could just sleep and never wake up. I’m just so angry at myself for allowing this. What life do I have, wake up tend to kids , work come home do my jobs in the house, allow myself to be penetrated, go to sleep repeat for the rest or my life. Wow I’m so over this life.

[shygirl198]

You are not alone. I have been exactly where you are. And although I’m away from that now it still doesn’t leave my mind what I put up with for so many years!

[Wheatear]

I really admire the honesty and self-realization in your post. You are clearly telling yourself that the life you are leading is not working and needs to change. You are strong and capable of changing your situation. Baby steps or one big leap. You know what to do. Hugs and best <3

[nbumblebee]

Everytime i give in everytime he hurts me I self harm.
I am so so angry at myself I take it out on myself I feel to blame like i should be stronger better then he wouldnt treat me this way. You are not alone in your anger. Im also at the point of being done but Im frozen to the spot.
My advice is very hypocritical i know but me heart breaks hearing others go through what I do.
We can feel and see others pain so much clearly than our own.
To me you have reached the point where you need to act. Those baby steps foward need to keep going at a faster pace. Reach out to womans aid a dr a friend a counsellor reach out people will help you they will. You need a hand to hold throughout this and whilst we can walk alongside you we cant hold your hand so reach out to someone who can and grab it. Keep reminding yourself this is on him not you he is ruining your life not you its his behaviour thats wrong not yours.
You deserve better wake up each day and tell yourself you deserve better. Dont give in sweetie never give in because then he has won and that no that cant happen because you deserve better.
Stay strong sweetie big big hugs x

[Author]

Posts